S 3515 
3575 

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PRIOR QG GENTiS 




T. «S. DENLSON & COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS CHICAGO 



^TTTT 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. 
Price 15c each. Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given 



DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. 

M. F. 

Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 

acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 8 8 

Abbu San of Old Japan, 2 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 15 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1% 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 4 4 

All on Account of Polly, 3 acts, 

234 hrs (25c) 6 10 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2y 2 

hrs. ... ,. (25c) 7 4 

As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 

2V* hrs (25c) 9 7 

At the End of the Rainbow, 3 

acts, 2J4 hrs (25c) 6 14 

Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 h. (25c) 9 3 
Boy Scout Hero, 2 acts, 1|4 hrs. 

(25c) 17 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2^4 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Burns Rebellion, 1 hr (25c) 8 5 

Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2^4 h. (25c) 7 4 
Civil Service, 3 acts, 2*4 hrs. 

(25c) 6 5 

College Town,' 3 acts, 2 J4 

hrs (25c) 9 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs.. 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 

acts, 2*4 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Deacon Dubbs, 3 acts, 2% hrs. 

(25c) 5 5 

Deacon Entangled, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2*^ 

hrs. (25c) 8 4 

Dream That Came True, 3 

acts, 2*4 hrs (25c) 6 13 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c) 10 

Enchanted Wood, 1?4 h.(35c).Optnl. 
Everyyouth, 3 acts, \y 2 h. (25c) 7 6 
Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4 4 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

1% hrs (25c) 9 14 

Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

Her Honor, the Mayor, 3 acts, 

2 hrs. (25c) 3 5 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 hrs. ...(25c) 12 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2% 

hrs (25c) 13 4 

Indian Days, 1 hr ..(50c) 5 2 



M. F. 

In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 2Y A 

hrs (25c) 6 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs.. (25c) 5 4 
Jayville Junction, 1% hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Kicked Out of College, 3 acts, 

214 hrs (25c) 10 9 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 2*4 hrs (25c) 6 12 

Laughing Cure, 2 acts, 1^4 hrs. 

(25c) 4 5 

Lexington, 4 acts, 2^4 h..(25c) 9 4 
Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2*4 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 

hrs. (25c) 5 2 

Mirandy's Minstrels. ... (25c) Optnl. 
Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytown, 3 

. acts, 214 hrs (25c) 4 7 

New Woman, 3 acts 1 hr 3 6 

Old Maid's Club, \y 2 hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 6 

Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

1J4. hrs (25c) 12 9 

On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

21/2 hrs (25c) 10 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 
Parlor Matches, 2 acts, V/ 2 hrs. 

(25c) 4 5 

Poor Married Man, 3 acts, 2 

. hrs (25c) 4 4 

Prairie Rose, 4 acts, 2y 2 h.(25c) 7 4 

Rummage Sale, 50 min 4 10 

Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2^4 

hrs ; (25c) 10 12 

Savageland, 2 acts, 2 l / 2 hrs. (50c) 5 5 
School Ma'am, 4 acts, \Y\ hrs. 6 5 
Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 
Sewing for the Heathen, 40 min. 9 
Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 

Star Bright, 3 acts, 2y 2 h. (25c) 6 5 
Teacher, Kin I Go Home? 2 

scenes, 35 min 7 3 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4-1 

Thread of Destiny, 3 acts, 2y 2 

hrs (25c) 9 16 

Tony, the Convict, 5 acts, 2y 2 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Town Marshal, 4 acts, 2J-4 

hrs (25c) 6 3 

Trial of Hearts, 4 acts, 2^4 hrs. 

(25c) 6 18 

Trip to Storyland, 1 $4 hrs. (25c) 17 23 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2^4 hrs. (25c) 8 3 
Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 10 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
When" the Circus Came to 

Town, 3 acts, 2% hrs. (25c) 5 3 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 1 54 W. Randolph St. , Chicago 



DEACON DUBBS 



A RURAL COMEDY DRAMA 

IN THREE ACTS 

BY 

WALTER BEN HARE 

AUTHOR OF 

"Aaron Boggs, Freshman" "Abbu San of Old Japan," "A Bird in 

the Hand" "Civil Service" "A College Town" "A Country Boy 

Scout" "The Fascinators" "Kicked Out of College" "Laughing 

Water" "Macbeth a la Mode" "Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytqwn," 

"Parlor Matches" "A Poor Married Man" "Rose o* My 

Heart" "A Rustic Romeo," "Savageland," "Sewing for 

the Heathen," "A Southern Cinderella," etc., etc. 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 









ffMS 

Br 



DEA CON D UBBS 

PERSONS IN THE PLAY. 
Deacon Dubbs .... From Sorghum "Center, West Virginny 

Amos Coleman His Nephew, a Young Lawyer 

Rawdon Crawley A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing 

Major McNutt Auctioneer and Justice-of-Peace 

Deuteronomy Jones A Country Product 

Rose Raleigh The Brave Little School Ma'am 

Miss Philipena Popover. .With Both Eyes on the Deacon 

Emily Dale The Richest Girl in Town 

Trixie Coleman Full of Mischief 

Yennie Yensen The Hired Girl from Sweden 

Villagers, Quartet, Children. 
Note to Manager. — Several extra people are necessary for a suc- 
cessful production of this play. A mixed quartet and several children 
add to the general effect. If desired the extra people may be 
assigned characters and given a place on the program. The follow- 
ing names may be used : Grandpaw Beanbiler, Otis Hammerhead, 
Jabez Doolittle, Azariah Figg, David Deeper, Jabo Grabb, Aaron 
Boggs, Hannibal Howler, Patsy Bolivar, Grandmaw Beanbiler, Lizzie 
Maud Feeny, Serepty Huggins, Pansy Bolivar, Eunice Holt, Sarah 
Bella Plaster, Kittie Simmons, etc. 

SYNOPSIS. 
Act I. A Country Auction. The Deacon arrives from 
Sorghum Center, State o' West Virginny. The Deacon 
takes a drink of water. 

Act II. A Country Wedding. Shadows of the Past. 
The Deacon takes a prisoner. 

Act III. A Country Husking Bee. Escaped from the 
Penitentiary. The Deacon takes a wife. 

Then here's my hand, my trusty friend, 

And give us a hand of thine, 
And let the Friendship Cup go round 
To the days of Auld Lang Syne. 

Time of Playing — About Two and One-quarter Hours. 

Notice. — Production of this play is free to amateurs, but the sole 
professional rights are reserved by the author, who may be ad- 
dressed in care of the Publishers. 

*** 

COPYRIGHT, 1916, BY EBEN H. NORRIS. 

20CI.D 45359 HJ d"* 



NOV -4 1916 



DEACON DUBBS. 



COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS. 

Deacon Dubbs — A big, jovial, kind-hearted farmer, with 
an open face, a warm heart and a helping hand. His dialect 
is a mixture of his natal New England and his adopted 
N "State o' West Virginny." Aged about fifty-five. Use 
plenty of color in make-up, indicating ruddy middle age. 
The make-up should be suited to the face of the actor. 
If the player has a round face a gray wig and short gray 
whiskers all-round face, nautical style may be worn. A 
white wig, sideburns and drooping mustache may be worn, 
or a bald wig and protruding chin whiskers. Act I : Neat 
boots, gray traveling suit, may be a little small but not 
ludicrously so, gray Stetson hat, fancy vest, large watch 
chain, carpet bag or old-fashioned grip. He is by no means 
the typical stage caricature of a rustic, but a kind-hearted 
old man from the country with plenty of money and out 
for a good time. Act II : Palm beach summer suit, Pan- 
ama hat, gaudy silk shirt, red silk handkerchief. Act III : 
Neat traveling suit similar to that worn in Act I. Especial 
attention should be given to the broad comedy scenes in 
each act, use plenty of gestures and movement. Don't speak 
too fast, but let each point sink into the minds of the audi- 
ence. In other words, drive your climactic speeches home. 
Be careful of the "intoxicated scene" in Act I. Don't carry 
this too far, as it is often easy to offend your audience 
instead of amusing them. Don't play too drunk; a slight 
hiccough and unsteady walk, together with the thickening 
of the speech indicated in the text, is all that is necessary. 
This part is legitimate comedy and should not resort to 
funny falls and other slap-stick methods to win laughs. 
Leave that to Deuteronomy, the low comedian of the cast. 
If possible this part should be played by a middle-aged man. 
Spectacles throughout play. He may carry large, old-fash- 
ioned umbrella in Acts I and III. 

Amos Coleman— Typical "juvenile leading man, aged 
about twenty-three. Four costume changes are necessary. 



4 DEACON DUBBS. 

Act I : Palm Beach, Panama, etc. Act II : Neat walking 
suit to be changed to black wedding suit with derby hat. 
Act III : Outing suit and hat suitable for autumn. A good- 
looking, straight, clean, active young man. His carriage is 
erect and his manner of speaking straightforward, looking 
the other person straight in the eye. Pay especial attention 
to the scenes with Crawley in Acts I and II. While these 
scenes are essentially melodramatic, the actor will get the 
best results by a short, tense delivery in dead earnest, 
showing Crawley that he is a man, bold and fearless, and 
that he is willing to dare anything for the woman he loves. 
The fight scene in Act II must be rehearsed again and again 
until the action is perfectly natural. General juvenile 
make-up, black circles around eyes, light grease paint over 
entire face and neck, reddened cheek bones and lips, pink 
powder. 

Rawdon Crawley — The villain of the play and probably 
the most difficult part in the play. In Acts I and II a keen, 
cool, calculating villain, with thought only for self. The 
character may be emphasized by the actor by slight sneers, 
a shrug of the shoulders, clenched teeth, the cowardly cringe 
when overpowered, etc. Aged thirty-five. Small, dark mus- 
tache. Handsome summer suits and hats in Acts I and II. 
Use a touch of brown grease paint mixed with flesh colored 
for base of make-up. Not much rouge. Carries small cane. 
In Act III face is pale and unshaven (burnt paper gives an 
excellent unshaven effect), hair disarranged, no hat. Rough, 
worn shoes. Tattered trousers. Torn shirt with blood- 
stains on arm (red grease paint). In Act III he is almost 
insane with fear and speaks in low, throaty whispers. This 
part offers excellent opportunity for a dramatic hit, and if 
carefully played should win the hatred of the audience on 
his first entrance. Do not overact the dramatic scenes of 
Acts I and II ; in Act III go as far as you like. The climax 
of Act II must be thoroughly rehearsed, probably more 
than all the rest of the play put together. 

Major McNutt — About sixty years old, the New Eng- 
land politician type. Inclined to be dogmatic and conse- 



DEACON DUBBS. 5 

quential as he is the most important man in the county. At 
heart he is kindly, with high standards of honor. If pos- 
sible this role should be taken by a real auctioneer. The 
part is very easy, his only big scene being the auction. Old- 
fashioned summer costumes for Acts I and II. Gaudy vest, 
large felt hat, elaborate jewelry. The auction scene must 
be thoroughly rehearsed and the lines learned letter perfect 
as written. May be played with red wig and side whiskers. 
White spats on shoes. Red nose. If possible this character 
should be played or padded stout. Red bandana handker- 
chief and palm leaf fan. Act III : Fall outing suit. 

Deuteronomy — A gawky, freckle-faced, awkward coun- 
try boy who never says much. Stoop shouldered and sham- 
bling gait. Make long pauses before and after speeches, 
using plenty of facial contortions. Light colored wig, some- 
what unkempt. Calico shirt, torn overalls and boots for 
Act I. Sunday suit of brown or gray much too small for 
him for Act II, with small derby hat, large button-hole 
bouquet, red socks, etc. Act III, similar to Act I. This is 
a great part for a low comedian and cannot be overacted. 
Much additional business may be introduced at the discre- 
tion of the actor and the manager. Wears a vacant expres- 
sion on face most of the time, with mouth wide open. This 
part is sure to make a hit with the audience even if played 
by an actor of very limited ability. In the make-up use plenty 
of red on face, make the eyebrows bushy by drawing stick 
of greased paint from the outer edge of the brow toward 
the nose. Small brown freckles add to the make-up and 
lines of white grease paint around the eyes. 

Rose Raleigh — An emotional leading lady. This role 
calls for decided acting ability, but is easily within the 
range of most amateur performers. Her manner is sweet 
and modest, generous and warm-hearted. Her love for 
Amos and her fear of Rawdon are dominant characteris- 
tics. Do not overdress this part. Act I : Simple summer 
dress and hat. A white and yellow combination with a lin- 
gerie hat trimmed in daisies is suggested. Act II : First 
costume, pretty summer morning dress, change to bridal 



6 DEACON DUBBS. 

dress with wreath and veil. Act III : Simple party dress 
suitable for early fall. This dress must have ruffle on skirt, 
to be torn off to bind up Rawdon's arm. The climax of 
Act II and the scene with Rawdon in Act III must be care- 
fully rehearsed again and again, paying particular atten- 
tion to the emotions the character is undergoing. 

Miss Philipena — Aged forty-five. A typical Yankee 
old maid. Red wig with side curls. This may be rented 
from a costumer or hair dresser, or with a bit of ingenuity 
might be made from switches and curls. Ludicrous, old- 
fashioned costumes suited for summer. Use very little 
color on face, but line it with gray or brown lines surrounded 
by lines of white grease paint. Eye glasses. Very erect 
carriage, shoulders thrown abnormally far back. In Act III 
she limps all through the act. Black lace mitts, a large 
reticule, incongruous color schemes, etc., will lend color to 
this part. 

Trixie — Aged fifteen. Hair down in curls. Rather short 
dresses suitable to the season and the occasion. Always 
move with a rush, speak loudly and with confidence and 
don't be afraid of putting too much action in this very lively 
soubrette part. 

Emily Dale — Aged twenty. Hair and eyes dark. Very 
elaborate costumes suitable for the season and the occasion. 

Yennie Yensen- — Blonde hair parted in middle and fast- 
ened with comb at back. Face made up very pale, using 
scarcely any color at all. Whiten the eyebrows. Funny ill- 
fitting dresses of awful color combinations. Funny little 
hats. Small child's parasol. Learn the lines exactly as 
printed and you cannot fail to make a hit in this part. 



THE STORY OF THE PLAY. 

Deacon Dubbs — A jolly, middle-aged widower from Sor- 
ghum Center, State o' West Virginny, decides to visit his 
nephew, Amos Coleman, and the play concerns itself with 
the laughable adventures of the Deacon in the village and 
in the city. Amos is in love with Rose Raleigh, the brave 




DEACON DUBBS. 7 

little school ma'am, who is something of a mystery to the 
inhabitants of the village. Her little farm is about to be 
sold by auction as the result of a foreclosure suit, but Amos 
and the Deacon have raised enough money to cover the note. 
The note is held by the Empire State Trust Company, and 
one of- their agents, Rawdon Crawley, in looking over the 
property, discovers a valuable vein of iron ore on the hill 
belonging to the little school ma'am. Crawley decides to 
bid on the farm and has unlimited capital at his control. 
The auctioneer, one Major McNutt, likes a drink now and 
again, and as the day is warm and it is a temperance town, 
he decides to provide his own refreshment. He places 
three bottles of "documents" in the water cooler, but Deu- 
teronomy, the hired man, not knowing the bottles are 
in the cooler, dumps the ice in on top of them and wine 
and whisky punch are served free at the water coolor. The 
Deacon never tasted water like that before and imbibes 
too much. In a remarkable state of jollification for the 
first time in his life, he determines that the farm must re- 
main in Rose's possession at all events, and to prevent the 
Trust Company's bid he pushes Crawley in an old well, 
and sitting on the cover calmly bids two thousand dollars 
and the farm reverts to its original owner, Rose Raleigh. 
Act II is several weeks later and is the wedding morning 
of Rose and Amos. Rose has spent three years in the city 
and during that time had married Rawdon Crawley, but 
he deserted her and she returned to her little cottage and 
began to teach school. Later she learned from Rawdon's 
mother that he had been killed in a drunken brawl in Can- 
ada and she finally consents to marry Amos. The Deacon 
is smitten by the mature charms of Miss Ph.ilipena Popover, 
Rose's housekeeper, and tries to propose to the charming 
Philipena in a ludicrously funny scene on the morning 
of Rose's wedding. Many pranks are played on the mid- 
dle-aged couple by Trixie Coleman, the village cut-up, who 
steals Miss Philipena's headgear and poses as the object 
of the Deacon's affections. Rawdon Crawley, Rose's hus- 



8 DEACON DUBBS. 

band, turns up and interrupts her wedding ceremony, but 
he is arrested and taken away by the ever-present Deacon. 

In Act III Rawdon escapes from the penitentiary and 
interrupts a husking bee held in honor of the Deacon's 
return from a trip to New York. After many interrup- 
tions the Deacon finally puts the ring on Miss Philipena's 
finger and announces their engagement. Rawdon, in trying 
to escape from the police, is killed in a railroad accident, 
and the play closes with the Deacon proposing a honey- 
moon for four back to old Sorghum Center, State o' West 
Virginny. 

Much additional comedy is furnished during the action 
of the play by the bibulous Major McNutt and the, efforts 
of a Swede hired girl to make the farm hand Deuteronomy 
pop the question. Country songs, country dances and plenty 
of action characterize the adventures of Deacon Dubbs. 



SYNOPSIS FOR PROGRAMS. 

Act I — Rose Cottage on an afternoon in June. Yennie 
Yensen, the Swedish hired girl, wants to borrow some 
yumps and decides to bid on the hired man at the auction, 
as "he bane a purty gude looking feller." Miss Philipena 
arranges for the auction sale. Rose and Amos. "Out 
of the broken ruins of time fair blossoms grow, God's last 
amen is a white rose." The Deacon arrives from Sorghum 
Center, State o' West Virginny. "Ding, dong, bell, pussy's 
in the well." The farm is sold to Rose Raleigh for two 
thousand dollars. The defeat of Rawdon Crawley. 

Act II — Same scene, a morning in August. Wedding 
bells. "Happy is the bride that the sun shines on." Deu- 
teronomy and Yennie bring wedding presents. Miss Phili- 
pena takes a nap with disastrous results. Yennie is scared. 
"Your face, it bane put on backwards." Back from the 
grave. "You are my wife. Take off that bridal wreath, 
that sparkling necklace." "Who is this man ?" The Deacon 
arrests Rawdon Crawley. 

Act III — Same scene but a year later and in autumn. 
Th.e husking bee. Songs and merriment by the villagers. 



DEACON DUBBS. 9 

"Rawdon Crawley has escaped!" "This is my punishment 
and my punishment is more than I can bear." The Deacon 
returns from New York. Miss Philipena and the fractious 
cow. The Deacon's nightmare. "Cork, cork, cork!" A 
wheelbarrow for two. The Virginia reel. The death, of 
Rawdon Crawley. "We'll have a double wedding and for 
a honeymoon we'll all go down to Sorghum Center, State 
o' West Virginny." 



LIST OF PROPERTIES. 

Act I. 

The Cottage. This may be arranged in three pieces like 
a screen. Make a framework of scantlings and cover 
with canvas drawn tight. Paint the canvas to repre- 
sent the exterior of a cottage, windows, vines, etc. The 
door, about seven feet high and four feet wide, is in 
the center panel. 

The Well. May be easily made from a square dry goods 
box painted to represent an old wooden well. The side 
facing front is simply two old loose boards, so that 
the weight of anyone falling on them will break them. 
These boards hold the support of the roof of the well. 
When the front boards break the roof drops down, 
thus forming a closed cover for the well. When Raw- 
don falls in the well he must stoop down, tx> give the 
effect of falling downward about eight feet. 

Natural vines on fence, cottage and well. Attach white 
roses to them for Act I, pink roses for Act II and 
autumn leaves for Act III. 

Fence running across stage with opening or gate in C. 

Plants and flowers all around stage. 

Green carpet down. 

Small, old-fashioned rocking chair. 

Bench. 

Garden seat. 

Churn. 

Water cooler on table. 



10 DEACON DUBBS. 

Four goblets. 

Two pails of milk for Deuteronomy. 

Bowl for Miss Miss P. 

Broom for Miss P. 

Watch for Rawdon. 

Watch for Trixie. 

White rose growing by well for Amos to pick. 

Carpet bag for Deacon. 

Two bottles of wine (quart size) for Major. 

Flask for Major. 

Palm leaf fan and red bandana handkerchief for Major. 

Auctioneer's mallet for Major. 

Large piece of ice in paper for Deut. 

Dishpan full of cookies for Miss P. 

Dinner bell for Trixe. 

Act II. 
Square table with tea cloth, and ice tea service. 
Plate cakes. Sugar bowl (to break). Plate of lemon 

slices. 
Book for Miss P. 
Cradle or high-chair for Deut. 
Large crayon portrait of man for Yennie. 
Fancy box containing long red stockings for Deacon. 
Cord with fishhook for Trixie. 
Shoulder shawl and sewing for Miss P. 
Basket, supposed to be full of string beans. 
Large spoon in pasteboard box. 
Large tube of tooth paste. 
Large bottle of medicine. 
Veil, wreath and necklace for Rose. 
Knife for Rawdon. 
Revolver for Deacon. 

Act III. 

Piles of unhusked corn. 

Four stools. 

Wheelbarrow. 

Train whistle behind scenes. 



DEACON DUBBS. 11 

Purse and ring for Rose. 

Dummy figure stuffed to represent Deuteronomy. 

Battered milk pail for Deut. 

Ring in box for Deacon. 

Napkin, chicken leg and piece of pie for Deut. 

Piece of chicken and cake for Yennie. 

The songs and music suggested in the play are easily 
obtainable in any town. However, the songs are all in 
The Golden Book of Favorite Songs, 15 cents, from the 
publishers of this play. 



SCENE PLOT. 
Landscape Drop 



-i uate 1 - 

/ ^<3 R Water Cooler 

• Wood V^u "^ on Stand 

Wings Bench 

Wood U ,„„S _ _ . _ . ^ Churn ^ f \ 

'ings 



~\\ 



Zl TT Stool Garden Seat ^ ^ ^ ^ • 
Rocker \ 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of the stage ; C, center ; R. C, right cen- 
ter; L., left; 1 E. } first entrance; U. E. } upper entrance; 
R. 3 E., right entrance up stage, etc.; R. D. } right door; 
L. D., left door, etc. ; up stage, away from footlights ; down 
stage, near footlights. The actor is supposed to be facing 
the audience. 



DEACON DUBBS 



Act I. 



Scene: The exterior of Rose Cottage. Back drop rep- 
resents a landscape. About three feet in front of the back 
drop is a wooden fence with gate at C. Cottage exterior, 
with practical entrance, extends from L. 1st E. to fence. 
Down R., near R. 1 E., is" an old well. (For full description 
of this well, see the property list.) Green carpet down. 
Flowering plants, their pots masked by leaves, across stage 
in front of fence, and all around well. Natural vines with 
artificial roses attached are on cottage and on well. Small, 
old-fashioned rocking chaw down L. Bench up R. Garden 
seat down L. C. The entire set is to give the impression of a 
neat country cottage exterior in the month of June. Grow- 
ing roses in profusion. Churn down L. near rocking chair. 
Water cooler on table just to the R. of the gate. 

For small stages the set cottage may be eliminated and 
a door substituted. This door to be surrounded by screens 
covered with vines and artificial roses. 

Lights on full throughout the act. Yellow bunch lights 
at R. and L. add to the general effect, but are not absolutely 
necessary. 

Curtain rises to music, "Auld Lang Syne," played softly 
and zvith expression. Bird calls heard behind scenes. 

Miss Philipena Popover discovered seated churning 
down L. She is singing with the orchestra as curtain rises. 

Miss P. (sings) . Then here's my hand, my trusty friend, 
And give us a hand of thine, 
And let the Friendship Cup go round 
To the days of Auld Lang Syne. 

Enter Yennie Yensen, R. 3 E. She stands in gateway 
looking at Miss P. 

Yennie. Yollo ! 

12 



DEACON DUBBS. 13 

Miss P. Afternoon, Yennie. Come in. 

Yennie. Der meesus sent me. She bane want to bor- 
row yumps. 

Miss P. What's that, Yennie? 

Yennie (down C). Yumps, yumps! (Jumps up and 
down. ) 

Miss P. Jumps? What do you mean jumps? 

Yennie. My meesus want to borrow leedle bit yumps. 

Miss P. You mean Mrs. Livermore wants to borrow 
something. Is that it? 

Yennie. Yah, she wants some yumps. 

Miss P. And what are yumps ? 

Yennie (jumps up and down). Yumps, yumps, to make 
bread. 

Miss P. To make bread? Jumps? 

Yennie. She bane going to make bread come oop, come 
oop! (Gestures.) But she have no yumps. 

Miss P. Hops! Hops! 

Yennie. Hops! Yaw, dot's it. Hops. (She hops.) I 
knowed it bane somedings to make you go oop and down. 

Miss P. Just wait a minute Yennie, and I'll get some 
hop-yeast. That's what she wants. (Exit in house, L. 1 E.) 

Yennie (laughs). Dot bane gude yoke on me. I wanted 
hops and I asked for yumps. 

Enter Deuteronomy Jones from R. 3d with two pails 
supposed to be full of milk. Fill the pails with water and 
add a little milk. Deuteronomy doesn't say a word but 
enters gate, comes down and starts to exit L. 1 E. 

Yennie (grabs him by coattails and pulls him backward 
to C). 

Deut. Gosh ! 

Yennie (smiles at him, twists her shoulders bashfidly) . 
Yollo ! 

Deut. (looks at her a moment), 'lo ! (Starts toward 
house.) 

Yennie (pulls him back as before). You bane purty 
gude looking feller. 

Deut. (pauses, looks at her). Gosh! 



14 DEACON DUBBS. 

Yennie. You make good wages? 

Deut. Some. 

Yennie. You got nice sweetheart, hay? 

Deut. (looks at her, frowns, looks away). 

Yennie. Hay? 

Deut. (shakes head to deny the charge). 

Yennie. You like nice leedle Swedish girl, hay? 

Deut. (looks at her, frowns, shakes head, meaning no.). 

Yennie. You work here by Miss Raleigh? 

Deut. Um-umph ! ( With closed lips, signifying yes.) 

Yennie. I come by the auction this afternoon. Dey 
bane going to sell this house? 

Deut. (nods head, yes. Sets pails down). 

Yennie. Dey bane going to sell this farm? 

Deut. (same business). 

Yennie. Dey bane going to sell cows and chickens? 

Deut. (same business). 

Yennie. Dey bane going to sell hired man? 

Deut. (not comprehending) . Huh? 

Yennie. Dey bane going to sell you ? Maybe I buy you ! 

Deut. (looks at her, frowns, pauses). Gosh! (Takes 
a step backzvard toward L.) 

Yennie. You bane purty gude looking feller. (Takes 
a step toward him.) You vant me to buy you? 

Deut. (steps backward without looking, steps in milk 
pail). Gosh! (Falls down, upsetting both pails, rolls on 
floor and turns over the churn.) Gosh! 

Enter Miss P. from L. 1 E., carrying bowl. 

Miss P. My glory to Betsy! (Runs, gets broom from 
house and beats Deut., who exits R. 1 E.) 

Yennie (speaking to herself, nodding head). Yah, he 
bane a gude looking feller. 

Miss P. Just look at all this mess. That boy is enough 
to try the patience of Job and all his children. (Sweeps 
up muss.) Upset two buckets of milk. What'll Miss Rose 
say? 

Yennie (assisting her). I dink I come by the auction 
und make a bid. I vant to buy him. 



DEACON DUBBS. 15 

Miss P. You want to buy the farm? 

Yennie. No ; I want to buy der hired man. He bane 
purty good looking feller. 

Miss P. Well, Deuteronomy ain't for sale. Here's a bowl 
of hop yeast. Hurry home with it while it's warm. 

Yennie. Thank you. Good-bye. (Cross to gate, turns.) 
I come back by the auction and make a bid for der hired 
man. He bane purty gude looking feller. (Exit R. 3 E.) 
Deut. sticks his head in at R., looking around. 

Miss P. Come in, Deuteronomy. 

Deut. Gone ? 

Miss P. Yes, she's gone. 

Enter Deut. from R. 1 E. 

Miss P. (churning). You ain't afraid of that little 
Swede girl, are you ? 

Deut. (at C, bashfully twisting hat around). Um-umph! 
(Signifying yes.) 

Miss P. What can a harmless little thing like her do to 
a great big hulk like you? 

Deut. Marry. 

Miss P. Well, I never! I cal'late you're safe for a good 
long spell. Now you go right into the house and see if 
them cookies is cool yet, and if they are, put 'em in the big 
dishpan and bring them out here. 

Deut. Here ? 

Miss P. Yes, right here. This is where they're going 
to hold the auction. Then go over to the butcher shop and 
get ten cents worth of ice and make some ice water in that 
cooler. We're liable to have fifty or seventy-five people 
here on the ground this afternoon. So hurry up ! 

Deut. Yes. (Exits L. 1 E.) 

Enter Emily Dale from R. 3 E. She comes through 
the gate. 

Emily. Good afternoon, Miss Popover. 

Miss P. Yes, so it is. (Churns rapidly.) 

Emily. What time is the sale to start? 

Miss P. In 'bout an hour, I cal'late. 



16 DEACON DUBBS. 

Emily. Isn't it sad? I feel so sorry for poor Miss Ra- 
leigh. (Sits at R.) 

Miss P. It's a sin and a shame, that's what it is. To 
sell a body's house and land right over a body's head. 

Emily. Are all Miss Raleigh's personal effects to be 
included in the sale? 

Miss P. What do mean personal effects? 

Emily. Oh, her dresses and hats and things. I thought 
maybe I'd help her out by buying in some of the things. 

Miss P. Well, they ain't fer sale. 

Emily. Miss Raleigh must have had some real pretty 
things when sh.e lived in the city. 

Miss P. I couldn't say. 'Cause I hain't no hand to be 
sticking my nose into other folks' affairs. 

Emily. Did you ever hear what she did the three years 
she lived in the city? 

Miss P. No, I didn't. I cal'late she taugh.t school jest 
the same as she does now. 

Emily. Oh, I hardly think so. She isn't well enough 
educated to teach in a city school. 

Miss P. Oh, she hain't? Well, she's well enough edu- 
cated to have half the men in this village clean crazy over 
her, including your old particular friend, Amos Coleman. 

Emily (rises). You forget yourself. 

Miss P. Not me; and if you don't like my conversa- 
tion, Emily Dale, there's the road and there's the gate, lead- 
ing to it. That's all. (Churns rapidly.) 

Emily (standing C). Miss Philipena, you sometimes 
let your temper get the better of your judgment. 

Miss P. I allers say what I think, Emily Dale. You 
come over here with sympathy for Rose in her trouble, 
so you say; but I know you're just as pleased as pikestaff 
'cause the roof is going to be sold over our heads. Rose 
can't help it 'cause your old beaux are all paying attention 
to< her. She wouldn't marry the best man in the county. 

Emily. Perhaps there is a reason, Miss Philipena. It's 
mighty strange she never told anyone what she was doing 
those three years she spent in the city. 



DEACON DUBBS. 17 

Miss P. It's nobody's business. I know Rose Raleigh 
as well as I know myself, and I can trust her. And let me 
tell you, Emily Dale, that whatever she did them three 
years in the city was honest and honorable, 'cause she ain't 
got a dishonest hair in her head. Good afternoon. 
(Churns rapidly.) 

Enter Rawdon Crawley, R. 3 E. through gate. 

Rawdon. I beg your pardon, ladies, but is this the cot- 
tage that is to be sold this afternoon? 

Miss P. (rises). Yes, sir. Won't you come in? 

Rawdon (coming down C). Thank you. I just thought 
I'd stop by and get a drink of water from the old-fashioned 
bucket that hangs by the well. 

Miss P. (goes to water cooler and gets him a glass of 
water). The old-fashioned bucket is out of commission. 
That old well ain't been used for over a year. (Looks in 
well.) See, there ain't two foot of water in it. 

Rawdon. But it's very old-fashioned and just in keep- 
ing with the place. (Takes glass of water from her hand.) 

Miss P. . Oh, we ain't as old-fashioned as we look. 
(Returns to churn.) 

Emily (seated at R.). Isn't it sad? To think the old 
place has to be sold under the hammer after being in th.e 
Raleigh family for years and years. 

Rawdon (at C). It's about twelve acres, isn't it? 

Miss P. Yes, but most of it is rocks. It runs clean up 
that hill there. (Points to L.) 

Rawdon. Yes, I know. (Sets goblet by cooler.) 

Miss P. You know? Then you ain't a stranger here- 
abouts ? 

Rawdon. Oh, yes I am. But I came in on the morning 
train and took a good look at the land. 

Emily. Are you thinking of buying it? 

Rawdon. I don't know. It isn't worth much. Land 
around here is pretty cheap. And then foreclosure pro- 
ceedings never bring much. 

Miss P. Miss Raleigh's father put a mortgage on the 
house three years ago. He borrowed money from theJEm- 



18 DEACON DUBBS. 

pire State Trust Company and paid up every cent of the 
interest. Last year he died and Miss Rose hain't been able 
to pay the principal; so they're going to foreclose. 

Rawdon. Too bad. 

Emily (at R.). Isn't it? Dear Rose has everybody's 
sympathy. 

Miss P. (at L.). I'd like to take the Empire State Trust 
Company and tie a stone around his neck and drop him 
in the middle of the river. They wouldn't give her a day's 
time to raise the money. 

Rawdon (standing at C). You don't think much of the 
Empire State Trust Company. 

Miss P. Think much of 'em? They're a bunch of mean 
scalawags who orter been tarred and feathered years ago. 

Rawdon. Indeed? Well, I represent that company. 

Miss P. I don't care if you do. I hain't taking back 
a single word. That is, unless — 

Rawdon. Well, unless what? 

Miss P. Unless you decide to give Rose a little more 
time to raise the money. 

Rawdon. Business is business. The Empire State 
Trust Company has decided to buy this land. 

Miss P. Indeed! (Rises.) Well, the Empire State 
Trust Company had better mind its own business. (Cross 
to door of house L. 1 E.) And you can tell 'em so with 
my compliments. (Exits L. 1 E.) 

Emily. Why is the company so anxious to get land 
down here? They've never bought any before? 

Rawdon. I just took a fancy to this place myself and so 
I decided to bid it in. (Looks at watch.) The sale takes 
place in about half an hour. I think I'll just take a look 
over the place. 

Emily. If there is any part of the place you'd like to 
see I'd be pleased to show it to you. 

Rawdon. No, thank you. I'm just going up the hill a 
bit. (Exit L. U. E.) 

Emily. Oh, it isn't any bother at all. I know the old 
place so well. (Hurries after him.) 



DEACON DUBBS. 19 

Enter Miss P. from house. 

Miss P. {speaking tozvard the house). Slide that pan 
of cookies out'n the oven, Deuteronomy, and don't burn 
yourself. 

Deut. {in house). Oww ! 

Miss P. What's the matter? 

Deut. {sticks in head at L. 1 E., crying). Burned my 
mouth. 

Miss P. How? 

Deut. Et a cookie? 

Miss P. I never see the beat. You're always in hot 
water. 

Deut. Nope. Hot cookie. {Exit L. 1 E.) 

Miss P. {looks around). They're gone. Good riddance 
to bad rubbish, says I. If ever a man had the hang-dog 
look, he was the one. {Crosses up to gate, looks off.) It's 
almost time fer Rose to be coming home. 

Three children skip in from R. 1 E. and bump into Miss 
P. at C. 

Children. Teacher's coming! We're going to meet the 
teacher. {They run out at gate and exeunt R. U. E.) 
{Music.) 

Miss P. {standing R. of gate). Yes, there she is, bless 
her heart, and Mr. Coleman with her as usual. Maybe 
this'll be the last night she'll ever call the place home. 

Music swells as Rose Raleigh enters, L. U. E., talking 
to Amos Coleman and surrounded by five or six little 
children. 

Children {at gate). Good-bye, teacher. Good-bye. 

Rose. Good-bye, children. God bless you. {Kisses 
smallest one.) 

Children. We'll see you tomorrow. 

Little Girl. I'll come and walk to school with you. 

Children {going out R. 3 E.). Good-bye, teacher. 
{Exeunt Children, R. U. E.) 

Amos {Comes down C. to Miss P., who is R. C). Miss 
Popover J 



20 DEACON DUBBS. 

Miss P. Yes, Mr. Coleman. 

Amos. The fact is — that is — in short, my dear Miss 
Ph.ilipena — 

Rose {down L. C). Go on, Amos; be brave. 

Miss P. What is it, Mr. Coleman? 

Amos. I — that is — {turns to Rose). You'll have to tell 
her; I can't. ', 

Rose. And you a lawyer making speeches every day. 

Amos. Yes, but this kind of a speech isn't in my line 
at all. 

Rose {crosses to Miss P.). Miss Philipena, my dearest 
friend, Mr. Coleman has something to tell you, but he's 
afraid. I'll give you three guesses. 

Miss P. I only need one guess. 

Amos {down C). What — you know? 

Miss P. I'm not blind, Amos Coleman. And Pm a 
woman, and to a woman the symptoms are never mistakable. 

Amos. Then you understand? 

Miss P. {crossing to door). I understand. I've got a 
batch of cookies in the oven and the auction sale is to begin 
in twenty minutes. And I understand that when two is 
keeping company, three is a whole Salvation Army. {Exits 
into house.) 

Amos. Rose, I wish I had money enough to buy your 
old home. It seems a shame that it must go under the 
hammer. 

Rose. Yes, Amos, I love the old place, simple as it is. 
The dearest spot on earth is home, sweet home. {Sits on 
garden seat, L. C.) 

Amos. But maybe I can buy it back after we are mar- 
ried. 

Rose. After we are married? Perhaps we shall never 
be married, Amos. You know I didn't promise you. I only 
told you to wait a year. And then, if neither of us change, 
then you may ask me again. 

Amos. But why is that necessary? {Leaning over seat.) 

Rose. That is my secret. Amos, your life is like an 
open book, but mine contains a hidden sorrow. 



DEACON DUBBS. 21 

Amos. And can't I share that sorrow, Rose? 

Rose. No one but God can share my sorrow. All I ask 
is your trust. 

Amos. I have watched you for two years, Rose; ever 
since you returned from the city. I have seen you in your 
school, I have seen you in the village on errands of mercy, 
I have heard your golden voice in the church choir, and 
I have learned to love you. You have been an angel sent 
out of heaven that came to earth to feed a poor hungry 
soul. 

Rose (in agony). Oh, don't, Amos. I can't bear it. 

Amos (plucking zvhite rose and giving it to her). Rose, 
I want you to wear this little white flower on your heart. 
Remember that out of the broken ruins of time, fair blos- 
soms and merciful ivy and woodbine grow. God's last 
amen is a white rose. It is his message of hope. (Sits 
beside her.) 

Rose. Amos, are you satisfied to take me just as I am 
without seeking to learn my secret? 

Amos. I only care to know what you choose to tell me. 
Your secret is your own. I shall never try to learn it. 

Rose. Even though it be a guilty secret? 

Amos. Even then. I know you are a good, pure woman, 
an honor to any man. 

Rose. When I am your wife I will tell you everything. 
Until then— 

Amos Until then I shall trust you as I trust the angels 
in Heaven. 

Enter Trixie Coleman from R. U. E. She runs on 
through the gate and down C. 

Trixie (down R. C). Oh, brother, brother, you'll never 
guess what's happened. 

Amos (rising). Well, what is it? What has happened? 

Trixie (clapping hands and jumping up and down). Go 
on and guess, go on and guess. It's awful good. 

Amos (at L. C). The old gray hen has laid an egg. 

Trixie. Naw, that's nothing like it. Somebody's come. 

Amos. Well, hurry up and tell me. Who's come? 



22 DEACON DUBBS. 

Trixie. Well, the afternoon train came in at the station 
and he got off. 

Amos He did. Who is he ? 

Trixie. And he got in a cab and he drove right up to 
our house. And he got out and came in. 

Amos. Who got out and came in? 

Trixie. And I told him you were over here and he told 
me to show him the way, and he's coming up the hill. 

Music : "Reuben and Rachel or Reuben, I've Been Think- 
ing" begins here and continues to Deacon's entrance. 

Amos. Who is it, Trixie? 

Trixie {runs up to gate). Here he comes. This is the 
place, nunky. Come on. Here he is. Right in here. He's 
visiting the teacher. 

Amos (at L. C). Who is it, Trixie? 

Trixie (L. of gate). It's Deacon Dubbs, our uncle from 
Sorghum Center, State o' West Virginny. 

Rose (down L.). Deacon Dubbs? 

Amos (between Trixie and Rose). Yes, and he's a 
trump. 

Trixie. Here he is. Come in, nunky. Come in. Broth- 
er's here. 

Deacon (outside). Amos, boy, where be ye? 
Music swells as Deacon enters R. U. E. and comes to gate. 

Trixie. Here he is, nunky. Here he is! 

Deacon (throws carpet bag down, rushes to Amos and 
shakes both his hands). Jumping grasshoppers, I'm glad 
to see ye. 

Amos. Uncle! This is indeed a surprise. 

Deacon (kisses Trixie). That's what I told Trixie. 
(Goes to Rose, starts to kiss her.) I says to Trixie, I 
says — 

Amos (pulls him back). Hold on, uncle, that isn't 
Trixie. 

Deacon. Don't ye worry, Amos, son. I'm a dabster 
hand with the. women. 

Amos. Rose, this is Deacon Dubbs. 



DEACON DUBBS. 23 

Deacon. Come all the way from Sorghum Center, State 
o' West Virginny. Jest drapped in to see my family. 

Rose. I'm delighted to meet you. Any friend of Mr. 
Coleman's is doubly welcome. 

Deacon. I used to live here in this neighborhood 'bout 
thirty-five year ago. This used to be old John Raleigh's 
place. 

Rose. And I'm John Raleigh's daughter. 

Deacon. You air? Well, jumpin' grasshoppers! He 
never dreamed of havin' a darter when I knowed him. 
Lemme see, he was only ten years old. 

Trixie (at R.). Going to have an auction sale here this 
afternoon. 

Deacon. They air? Well, I wanter know. (To Rose.) 
Goin' to git rid of the old place, air ye? 

Rose. Not of my own free will. The place is to be sold 
as a foreclosure on a mortgage. 

Deacon. Well, well, well ; here I am right in time to see 
all the excitement. Th.inkin' about buyin' the place, Amos ? 

Amos. I only wish I could. 

Enter Emily from L. U. E. She comes down R. 

Emily. Good afternoon, Rose. I just came over to the 
sale. 

Rose. How do you do, Miss Dale. 

Amos. Miss Dale, this is my uncle. 

Deacon. Darius Dubbs, from Sorghum Center, State o' 
West Virginny. 

Emily. I've just been talking with the agent of the 
Trust Company. He's going to buy the land. 

Amos. He is? What does he want with it? 

Emily. I'm not sure, but I think he's found some iron 
ore or something on the place. We were walking up on the 
hill and he took little pieces of rock and looked at them 
through a magnifying glass. 

Deacon. Oh, ho ! So that's the way the wind blows, is it? 

Amos. There's been a good deal of- iron ore found in 
the county, uncle. But I never heard of any in this village. 



24 DEACON DUBBS. 

Deacon. Ye can't always tell, boy; ye can't always tell. 
What's the mortgage worth, Miss Raleigh? 

Rose. The mortgage calls for two thousand dollars. 

Amos. But the place is worth over three thousand. 

Deacon. Say, children, suppose you show your old uncle 
around a bit. I might want to bid on this here property 
myself. 

Emily. The agent of the Trust Company said he was 
going to buy the land at any price. 

Deacon. Oh, he did, did he? Well, that shows there's 
a nigger in the woodpile somewhere. Come on; let's take 
a look at the place. 

Rose. With pleasure. Come this way. (Exits into 
house, followed by Amos, Deacon takes up his carpet- 
bag, crosses to door of house, turns.) And you jest tell 
your friend the agent that old Deacon Dubbs is here on the 
ground. Darius Dubbs, from Sorghum Center, State o' 
West Virginny, by heck! (Exit L. 1 E.) 

Emily. Vulgar old man! 

Trixie. He ain't neither, Emily Dale. He's the finest 
old uncle that ever lived ; so there ! He's going to give me 
a Shetland pony. 

Emily. Indeed? 

Trixie. Yes, indeed ! And I'm going to make him give 
me a balloon dress with hoops three yards wide; so there! 

Emily. Trixie, little girls should be seen and not heard. 

Trixie. Yes, and big girls, too. You're just sore 'cause 
my brother don't come to see you no more. I'm glad of it. 
You put on too many airs for me. 

Emily. Indeed ! 

Trixie. Yes, indeed ! Is that all .you can say — indeed ? 

Emily (rises). I'll speak to your brother about your im- 
pertinence. 

Trixie (imitating her). Indeed! Well, my brother don't 
butt into my affairs, and I guess your speaking days to him 
are about over. 



DEACON DUBBS. 25 

Enter from R. U. E. Major, carrying two quart bottles 
of wine, wrapped up, under his arm and fanning himself 
with a palm leaf fan. 

Major. Howdy, young ladies. Is this the Raleigh place? 

Trixie. Yes. Come in and make yourself at home. 

Major. Awful hot, ain't it? {Mops brow with a large 
red handkerchief.) I'm here to see about this little auction 
sale. 

Trixie. Thinking about buying the place? 

Major. Not me. I'm the auctioneer. Major Moses 
McNutt. 

Trixie. I'll tell the folks you're here. {Exit L. 1 E.) 

Major {to Emily). Awful hot, ain't it? 

Emily {rising). Are you speaking to me, sir? 

Major. What did you think I was doing ? A monologue ? 

Emily. I don't understand you, sir. 

Major. What's the matter? Can't you talk English? 

Emily. Excuse me. {Exits R. 1 E., haughtily.) 

Major. With the greatest of pleasure, my lady. I won- 
der who she thinks she is? The Queen of Rooshy or the 
Duchess of Honolulu. Gee, it's hot. {Goes to cooler.) 
Water. Nothing but water in this county. Thank heavens, 
I came prepared for the fray. {Opens package showing 
two bottles of wine. He puts them in cooler. Takes flask 
from hip pocket and puts it in the cooler.) Just a few legal 
documents that have to be put in cold storage. I never 
travel without my legal documents. {Comes down C.) 

Enter Trixie from house, followed by Amos and Deacon. 

Amos {meeting Major at C). Major McNutt, I'm glad 
to see you. 

Major. Thanks, old man. Awful hot, ain't it? 

Amos. This is my uncle, Deacon Dubbs. 

Deacon {shaking hands with the Major). Darius 
Dubbs, Sorghum Center, State o' West Virginny. 

Amos. The Major is the auctioneer. He's from the city. 
(UpL.) 

Deacon. Ye don't tell me. How's crops up in the city? 



26 DEACON DUBBST 

Major. Fair to middling. Plenty of chickens. Lots of 
wild oats, too. 

Trixie {looking in the well). Oh, nunky, come here. 
There's a whole lot of little tadpoles down there in the well. 

Deacon (crosses and looks down the well). Ain't much 
water in her, is there? 

Amos. Look out, Trixie. That old well is rotten. You'll 
fall in. 

Trixie. I don't care if I do. Nunky'll jump in after 
me. Won't you, nunky? 

Deacon. Not by a durn sight. 

Major (at L. C). Let me see. This place is owned by 
a Miss Raleigh, isn't it? 

Amos (U. L. of gate). Yes, here she comes now. 

Enter Rose from L. 1 E. 

Amos. Rose, this is Major McNutt, the auctioneer. 

Major (who has not looked, at Rose before, now looks 
at her, starts). Kit Lorraine! 

Rose (grasps his arm, speaks in low, tense voice). Si- 
lence, for a moment, I beg you. 

Major (recovering himself, shakes her hand). This is 
indeed a pleasure. (To Amos.) We are old friends. 

Rose (nervously). Yes — I was so surprised to see the 
Major. I used to know him in the city. 

Amos. Then we'll leave you alone to talk over old times. 
Come, Deacon. We'll take a look at the north side of the 
property. Come, Trixie. (Exit L. U. E., followed by 
Deacon and Trixie.) 

Major (down C). What are you doing here? 

Rose (down L. C). This is my home. I am Rosle 
Raleigh. 

Major. There is a rumor in town that Amos Coleman is 
engaged to Rose Raleigh. Surely you're not that Rose 
Raleigh. 

Rose. We are not engaged. Oh, Major, you won't — 
you can't have the heart to tell him? 

Major. Where is Rawdon Crawley? Do you think I 



DEACON DUBBS. 27 

would consent to this engagement knowing you to be the 
wife of another man. 

Rose. Not wife — widow. 

Major. Rawdon Crawley is dead? 

Rose {bows head in assent). I received a letter from his 
mother two months ago. He was killed in a drunken brawl 
in Montreal. 

Major. Have you told Mr. Coleman the story of your 
married life? 

Rose. No; I can't. {In agony.) I can't. He trusts me, 
believes in me. The past is dead and Rawdon Crawley is 
dead. Why is it necessary to darken the life of the man I 
love with memories of the past? 

Major. The police have been hunting Crawley for three 
years. So he is dead. Have you any proofs? 

Rose. All his papers were found on the body and my 
photograph. These were sent to his mother. Oh, Major, 
after all I have gone through, is it necessary to have this 
ghost of the past always before me? Can't I forget? Can't 
the dead past bury it's dead? 

Major. The safest way is to tell Mr. Coleman the whole 
story. 

Rose. No, no ! I couldn't bear it ! I couldn't bear it ! 
See, I beg you on my knees. {Kneels.) Spare me, spare 
me! 

Major. Rise, madam. Don't kneel to me. I'll keep 
your secret? 

Rose {rises). You will? Heaven bless you. 

Major. It has been my duty all my life to hunt down 
criminals, but I have no desire to oppress the unfortunate. 
{Takes her hand.) Your secret is safe in my hands. I'm 
your friend. 

Enter Miss P. from L. 1 E. 

Miss P. Rose, it's almost time for the folks to be com- 
ing. 

Rose. Miss Popover, this is Major McNutt, the auction- 
eer. He is an old friend. 



28 DEACON DUBBS. 

Miss P. (shakes hands with Major). I'm glad to meet 
you, Major. I cal'late you must have known Rose in the 
city. 

Major. Yes, and a betjer little woman never lived. 

Rose. Heaven bless you, Major. (Exit L. 1 E.) 

Major. I'll just take a look over the place before I start 
the sale. (Exit L.) 

Miss P. Deuteronomy! 

Enter Deut. from L. U. E. 

Deut. Ma'am? 

Miss P. Run over to the butcher shop and get a dime's 
worth of ice and put it in the cooler. Then bring out the 
cookies, I've got to fix up a little. (Exit L.) 

Deut. Yes. 

Deut. starts out R. U. E., bumps into Yennie, who 
enters R. U. E. 

Yennie. Yello ! 

Deut. 'lo ! 

Yennie. You bane in big hurry. (Comes down C.) 
Come here. 

Deut. Me? 

Yennie. Yah, you! (He comes down to her.) I vant 
you. 

Deut. Me? 

Yennie. Yah, you. (Pause, she twists her dress bash- 
fully and backs toward him without looking at him.) You 
bane purty gude looking feller. (Leans against him.) 

Deut. (after a long pause, looks down at her in agony, 
pauses). Gosh! 

Yennie. I yumped my yob. 

Deut. (not comprehending) . Huh? 

Yennie. I yumped my yob. I bane going to get 
married. 

Deut. You ? 

Yennie. Yah, me (pause) and you. 

Deut. Me? 






DEACON DUBBS. 29 

Yennie. Yah, you. I bane got saxteen dollars and sax- 

ty-nine cents. I buy you at auction sale. 

Deut. Me ? 

Yennie. Yah, you! 

Deut. Gosh! (Breaks away and runs out R. U. E.) 

Yennie (after pause). He bane purty nice looking 

feller 

Enter Trixie from L. U. E. 

Trixie. Hello, Yennie. 

Yennie. Yollo. 

Trixie. Did you come to the auction sale? 

Yennie. Yah. I bane got saxteen dollar saxty-nine 
cents. I buy me husband at auction sale. 

Trixie (laughs). Buy a husband for sixteen dollars? 
Honest, Yennie, they're not worth, that much. 

Yennie. Oh, yah. He bane purty nice looking feller. 

Trixie. Who is it? Deuteronomy? 

Yennie. Yah, dat bane him. He bane good, yolly feller, 
too. 

Trixie. But he's so quiet. He hardly ever says any- 
thing. 

Yennie. Maybe if he talked more he cost me more 
than saxteen dollar. He don't talk much ; maybe I get him 
for thirteen dollar. 

Enter Deut. from R. U. E. with large piece of ice in a 
paper. He throws the ice in the water cooler and starts} 
to exit in house. 

Trixie. Oh, Deuteronomy! 

Deut. Huh ? 

Trixie. Did you know Yennie was going to buy you at 
auction ? 

Deut. No. 

Trixie. Don't you want her to? 

Deut. No! 

Trixie. But don't you want to get married? 

Deut. No. (Starts for house. Yennie pulls him back 
by coattails.) 

Yennie. You bane gude looking feller. 



30 DEACON DUBBS. 

Deut. {wriggles out of coat, leaving it in Yennie's 
hands). Gosh! (Exits in house L. 1 E.) 

Trixie. Well, you got his coat, anyhow. 

Yennie. I no vant coat. I vant husband. Vait a 
minute, vait a minute. (Runs in house after him.) 

Enter Deacon, L. U. E. 

Deacon. Trixie, I've jest about decided to make a bid 
on the farm. Run in there and fetch me my papers out'n 
my old carpet bag. It's in the spare room. 

Trixie. All right, nunky. And for fear you get lone- 
some I'll send Miss Philipena out to talk to you. (Runs 
out L. 1 E.) 

Deacon. Whew it's hot! And I'm as thirsty as a bull 
moose on election day. (Goes to well.) I wonder if there's 
a gourd handy 'round here. (Looks in well.) Humph! 
Only about a foot of water. Can't drink that. (Goes to 
cooler, draws glass of water.) Humph! Kinder muddy 
looking water. Don't have nothing like that in Sorghum 
Center, State o' West Virginny. (Drinks, tastes it again, 
looks at it in puzzled manner, tastes it again, slowly smiles.) 
Well, by heck! It certainly does taste familiar — and I 
thought this was a temperance town. (Drinks all and re- 
fills the glass.) 

Enter Miss P. from L. 1 E. with dishpan of cookies. 

Miss P. (goes to cooler and puts pan of cookies on table 
by cooler). Help yourself. 

Deacon (just about to drink). Don't keer if I do. 
(Drinks and refills glass.) 

Miss P. That voice ! Them eyes ! That nose ! It is — 
I know it is — (grasps his arm). Ain't it? 

Deacon (stares at her). Say, what's the matter with 
you. Have a drink. (Drinks.) 

Miss P. Darius, Darius, don't you know me? 

Deacon. Just a minute, (Finishes drinking.) Don't 
believe I do. Say, this is the most peculiar water I ever 
tasted. 



1 



DEACON DUBBS. 31 

Miss P. Never mind the water, Darius Dubbs. You 
are Darius Dubbs, ain't you? 

Deacon. Well, I was yesterday morning when I left 
Sorghum Center. Excuse me. I got an awful thirst. 
(Drinks.) 

Miss P. I knew you the minute I sot eyes on you. Oh., 
Darius, Darius, Darius! 

Deacon (pauses in drinking, rears on heels, blinks at 
her). I heerd ye the first time. 

Miss P. I'm little Philipeny. Don't you remember? 
I'm little Philipeny. 

Deacon. I think you're a little crazy. But I don't keer. 
Here's looking at you. (Drinks.) 

Miss P. Don't you recollect them old happy bygone 
days when we was little boys and girls together? 

Deacon. Little girls together? Madam, I never was a 
little girl. Have a drink. (Draws another glass.) 

Miss P. I'm little Philipena Popover. Don't you re- 
member me? 

Deacon. Little Philipena Popover. You? Excuse me, 
I'm thirsty. (Drinks.) This ish the most peculiar (strug- 
gles over the word "peculiar") water I ever tashted, little 
Philipena Popover. 

Miss P. Over twenty years ago we used to be childhood 
sweethearts. 

Deacon. So you are little Philipena Popover — pretty 
little Philipeny? Jumping grasshoppers, there's been an 
awful change. 

Miss P. Of course I'm not as young as I used to be. 

Deacon. But, by heck, you're just as pretty. (Takes 
her hand.) Have a drink of water? 

Miss P. No, thank you. And to think of your coming 
back after all these years. 

Deacon. And I haven't had a drink since I went away. 
Thatsh the reason I'm so thirsty. (Drinks.) Lemme see, 
you married Ebenezer Bilberry, didn't you? 

Miss P. I did not. I never married nobody. 

Deacon. You didn't. Well, I'll be swunked. 



32 DEACON DUBBS. 

Miss P. You got married, didn't you, Darius? 

Deacon. Yep. Married over eighteen years. 

Miss P. (sighs). But it hasn't changed you a bit. Is 
Mrs. Dubbs with you? 

Deacon (in surprise). Mrs. Dubbs? With me? Well, 
I hope not. (Drinks.) _ 

Miss P. Why, Darius, I'm surprised. 

Deacon. Mrs. Dubbs has been in the better land going 
on fifteen years. (Holds up empty glass.) She was a 
good wife, Mary Susabelle was ; but she's gone — and you're 
gone, and I'm gone and all the water's gone. (Looks in 
glass. ) 

Miss P. So you're a widower, air ye? 

Deacon. Yes, a sad, old lonesome widower. (Fills 
glass.) Ain't got nobody to cheer up my declining days. 
Nothing but a drink of water. (Drinks.) 

Miss P. You havent got any — any — I mean, you haven't 
got any encumbrances, have you, Darius? 

Deacon. Nothing but a couple of yearling h.eifers, that's 
all. Got about fourteen head o' horses, too, and the finest 
farm in Sorghum County, State o' West Virginny. And 
I'm a true-blue, star-spangled American citizen, I am, Phili- 
peny. (Comes toward her.) 

Miss P. I believe the man's had a drop too much. 
(Runs into house.) 

Deacon. Poor old lonesome widower, I am, Philipeny. 
Nothing to cheer me along the path of life. Nothin' at all 
'cept this glass of water. (Drinks.) Wonder if this water 
come out'n the old well. (Crosses to well.) If it did, 
I'll give two thoushand dollars for that well. (Looks down 
well.) Mosht peculiar water I ever tasted in my life. We 
don't have nothing like this in Sorghum Center, State o' 
West Virginny. (Falls in well. The front of the well 
gives way and the top falls down. See note under list of 
properties.) Jumping grasshoppers! Was I kicked by a 
Missouri mule or twisted by a Kansas cyclone? (Clwnbs 
out.) By heck, it's a good thing for me there weren't no 
water down in there. Nothin' but tadpoles. (Arranges 






DEACON DUBBS. 33 

front and top of well as before.) My feet got wet, so I 
think I'd better take a drink to stave off a cold. (Goes to 
cooler, drinks.) Here's to the American eagle, long may 
she wave, o'er the land of the free and the home of the 
brave! (Drinks.) I'm a true blue, star-spangled American 
citizen, I am, from Sorghum Center, State o' West Vir- 
ginny. Enter Amos and Miss P. from house. 

Miss P. Every foot of the old place is dear to Rose, 
but now she's got to lose it. 

Rawdon appears up R. back of the well. 

Amos. Probably not, Miss Popover. 

Miss P. Laws sakes, Amos Coleman, is there any hope ? 
Tell me, tell me quick. Don't keep me in suspenders. 

Amos. Uncle has agreed to lend me two thousand dol- 
lars, the amount the farm is mortgaged for. I'll bid it in 
and turn the farm back to Rose. 

Miss P. But suppose someone makes a higher bid. That 
agent of the trust company might do it. He looked like a 
snake in the grass. 

Amos (at C). I don't think he'll bid higher than two 
thousand. He thinks he can get the place for nothing. 

Miss P. (at L.). We'll show him a thing or two, won't 
we? 

Deacon (at water cooler). We'll show him a true-blue, 
star-spangled American citizen from Sorghum Center, 
State o' West Virginny. 

Amos. It's all fixed. We can't lose. 

Rawdon (coming down R.). Don't be too sure of that. 

Amos. And who are you? 

Rawdon. Mr. Rawdon Crawley, at .your service. I am 
representing the Empire State Trust Company, the holders 
of the mortgage. I'm here to protect our rights. 

Enter Yennie, L. 1 E. 

Yennie. I make a bid saxteen dollars for der hired 
man. 

Miss P. Hush, Yennie. (Talks to her down L.) 



34 DEACON DUBBS. 

Amos (to Rawdon, at C). If you get your two thou- 
sand, that's all you want, isn't it? 

Rawdon. Perhaps not. 

Miss P. No, I callate you'd like to have the hull house 
and farm with a golden fence around it. 

Amos. There, there, Miss Philipena, let me talk to him. 

Miss P. Come into the house, Yennie. (Exit L. 1 E.) 

Yennie (goes to Rawdon at R.). Say, meester, you 
bane going to sell me der hired man? He bane purty gude 
looking feller. 

Rawdon. Bah! (Turns away from her.) 

Yennie (puzzled). Bah! (To Amos.) He says Bah! 
(Turns to Rawdon.) Bah, yourself. You bane regular 
nanny goat. (Crosses to door L. 1 E.) Bah! (Exit in 
house.) 

Amos (coming to Rawdon). I know why you want to 
buy this land, Mr. Rawdon Crawley. 

Rawdon. You do? 

Amos. Yes, I saw you up on the hill. You were exam- 
ining the rocks with a magnifying glass. I know your little 
game. 

Rawdon. What do you mean? 

Amos. I don't mean anything but this. There's ore on 
this farm. 

Rawdon (starts). It's a lie. 

Deacon. Hit him in the eye, Amos. I'm with you. 
Give him a soxdologer on the solar plexus. 

Amos (controlling his anger with difficulty). It isn't a 
lie ; it's the truth. I have examined the rocks. I have seen 
traces of iron ore. 

Rawdon. Well, suppose there is a vein of ore on the 
farm. What are you going to do about it? 

Amos. I'm going to tell the auctioneer. I'm going to 
tell the neighbors. We'll form a stock company and beat 
you at your own game. 

Rawdon. Now, see here, my man. This farm may be 
worth a little something to me. How much, will you take 
to keep still? 



DEACON DUBBS. 35 

Amos. How? What do you mean? 

Rawdon (looks L.). They're coming. See here. I'll 
give you five hundred dollars just to keep silent for half a 
minute. 

Amos. Five hundred ? No, sir. 

Rawdon. Well, five thousand. Five thousand just to 
keep still a minute. 

Amos. Five thousand? (Loudly.) Why, I wouldn't 
betray that little woman in there for half a million. 

Rawdon (in desperation) . Ten thousand! 

Amos. No, sir! 

Rawdon. Then I warn you not to interfere. (Grabs 
him.) 

Amos (forces Rawdon to his knees). There, you cur! 
Now to tell the auctioneer. (Exit L. 1 E.) 

Rawdon. Tell him if you want to. I guess the Empire 
State Trust Company can hold its own in the bidding. A 
few thousand dollars and this farm will belong to me. 

Deacon (staggers down C). Don't be too sure of that. 

Rawdon. Who are you ? 

Deacon. Deacon Dubbs from Sorghum Center, State o' 
West Virginny. Have a drink of water. 

Rawdon (looking L.). They're coming. In fifteen min- 
utes this farm will belong to me. (Standing in front of 
the well.) 

Deacon. It will, will it? 

Rawdon. Yes, and I'll fire you all out. I'll be the master 
here and out you'll go, out you'll go. 

Deacon. And in you'll go, in you'll go. (Pushes him 
in the well. The cover falls. Deacon sits on top.) 

Rawdon (inside well). Let me out! Let me out! 

Deacon. Ding, dong, bell! Pussy's in the well! Who 
put him in? Deacon Dubbs from Sorghum Center, State o' 
West Virginny. 

Enter Major from L. 1 E., followed by Rose and Trixie. 
Trixie is ringing a large dinner bell. She crosses to R. 1 
E. ringing the bell. 

Major (at rear C). Well, I'm all ready for business. 



36 DEACON DUBBS. 

Enter Yennie and Miss P. from L. 1 E. They go down 
L. to Rose. Enter Amos and Deuteronomy from L. U. E. 
They stand L. U. E. Enter Emily from R. 1 E. with vil- 
lagers and children. All characters on. 

Yennie. I bid saxteen dollars saxty-nine cents. 

Major (to Rose, who is near him at L. C. rear). It's a 
very painful duty, Miss Raleigh, but it's my business and 
I must go ahead. 

Rose. I understand perfectly, Major. I don't blame you 
at all. 

Major (oratorically) . It is my duty to offer for sale 
this very desirable property, consisting of twelve acres of 
the finest land in the state, eight acres under cultivation. 
In addition to the land there is the house, barn and other 
buildings. There's the machinery and household goods. 
You all know the value of the property. It is needleess 
for me to describe it further. 

Yennie. Yah, we bane know all about it. I bid saxteen 
dollars saxty-nine cents for the hired man. 

Major. If that girl don't keep still I'll put her in the 
well. 

Deacon. Nothing doing. This here well is engaged.. 

Rawdon (in well). Let me out! Let me out! 

Major. Is there anything there in the well? 

Deacon. Yep. There's an old cat in there. I'm letting 
him die. 

Major. Come, now. Let's get down to business. Some- 
body make me an offer. What am I bid? Who'll be the 
first? Somebody say five thousand dollars. Do I hear five 
thousand? Five thousand? Come on, now. 

Miss P. I bid one th.ousand dollars. 

Major. One thousand dollars is bid by the budding, 
blushing blossom, Miss Philipena Popover. I'm bid one 
thousand. Who'll make it two? Who'll make it two? 

Yennie. I bid saxteen dollars saxty-nine cents. 

Major. One thousand is offered. Come on, now. 
(Etc.) 

Deacon. Ouch! (Lets out a horrible yell.) 






DEACON DUBBS. 37 

All. What's the matter, Deacon? 

Deacon. That durn cat stuck a pin in me. 

Major. I've got one thousand offered. Who'll make it 
two? (Etc.) 

Amos. I'll bid two thousand for Miss Rose Raleigh. 

Rawdon (in well). Let me out! Help! 

Major. What's that? 

Deacon. It's the cat. 

Major. Seems to me it takes that darned cat a long 
time to die. 

Deacon. Well, you see this is a Thomas cat. 

Lively Music. 

Major. I'm bid two thousand dollars. Two thousand 
bid. Anybody offer three thousand? (Etc.) Mr. Coleman 
bids two thousand dollars for Miss Rose Raleigh.! Do I 
hear another bid? (Shakes hands with Amos.) I'm with 
you, my boy. Come on, who wants to bid? Two thousand 
dollars. Going for two thousand ! Going for two thousand ! 
Do I hear another bid ? Two thousand ! Going for two thou- 
sand! Going! (Hammer up.) Going! Gone! And sold to 
Miss Rose Raleigh for two thousand dollars. 

All. Hurrah, hurrah ! (Much excitement. Trixie and 
Miss P. dance around. Men shake hands, throw hats m 
air, etc. Congratulate Rose.) 

Amos. And there's your check. (Gives check to Major.) 

Major. And there's the mortgage. Now the property 
reverts to the original owner. Rose, we'lf go and burn 
the mortgage. (Exit Rose and Major.) 

Deacon. Hurray! Let's all have a drink of water. 
(Starts for cooler.) 

Rawdon (throws off cover, comes from the well). I 
protest against this sale. 

Deacon (at C). You're too late, Mr. Empire State 
Trust Company. The house and farm is sold. 

Rawdon. Curse you! Who bought it? 

Amos. The little school ma'am, Miss Rose Raleigh. 



38 DEACON DUBBS. 

Deacon. Assisted by Deacon Dubbs from Sorghum 
Center, State o' West Virginny. 

Curtain. 



Act II. 



Scene : The same as Act I, but two months later. It is 
now a morning in August, pink roses are growing on the 
vines instead of the white ones of Act I. The stand with 
zuater cooler, etc., has been removed. Also the churn and 
small rocking chair. Square table, covered with dainty 
tea cloth is down L. with three chairs around it. Iced tea 
service, cakes, etc., are on this table. 

Lights: On full throughout the act. 

Music : "Here Comes the Bride," or similar wedding 
march, takes up the curtain. 

Discovered: Miss P., sitting in front of well, facing 
audience. An open book is in her hand and she is nodding 
almost asleep. Rose, Emily and Trixie are seated around 
table down L. Other ladies may be grouped around stage. 
All drinking iced tea. 

Trixie. It's going to be fair. There isn't a cloud in the 
sky. (To Rose.) Happy is the bride that the sun shines on. 

Emily. You're so lucky, Rose. Ever since that vein 
of iron ore was discovered on your place you've had every- 
thing you want. 

Trixie. Including a prospective husband. 

Rose. I don't know whether it's luck or not. I only 
know I am the happiest girl in all the world. 

Trixie. Why shouldn't you be on your wedding day? 
Gee! I wish this was my wedding day. When are you go- 
ing to get married, Emily? 

Rose (remonstrating). Trixie! 

Emily. Oh, it's all right. My wedding day hasn't been 
fixed (pause) yet. 

Rose. Then you have something in mind. Oh, Emily, 
I am so glad, 



DEACON DUBBS. 39 

Emily. You remember the agent of the Empire State 
Trust Company, who wanted to buy your land two months 
ago? 

Trixie. I remember him. He looked like a drowned 
chicken with the pip when he came out of the well. 

Emily. I am expecting him on the morning train. He's 
such a distinguished man. 

Trixie. The last time he was here he was extinguished. 

Rose. I didn't see him. Who is he, Emily? 

Emily. I'll introduce him to you at the wedding, Rose. 

Trixie {looks at watch). It's ten o'clock. You'd better 
be starting to dress, Rose. 

Emily. Ten o'clock. I must go down to the station. I 
want to meet the morning train. Is there anything I can 
do to help you, Rose ? 

Rose. No, thank you. Miss Philipena will help me. 

Trixie. Miss Philipena is in the land of dreams. {All 
look at her and laugh.) 

Rose. Poor Miss Philipena. I'm afraid my wedding 
preparations have been too much for her. She hasn't had 
a good night's sleep for weeks. 

Emily. I'll be back in plenty of time. Good-bye. 
{Exit R. U. E.) 

Trixie. Rose, why did you ever select Emily Dale for 
one of the bridesmaids ? 

Rose. Amos suggested her. She's a real, sweet girl, 
too. 

Trixie. She's a cat ; that's what she is. A regular, two- 
footed cat. 

Rose. Trixie, you mustn't. 

Enter Amos, L. U. E. He comes through gate. 

Trixie. Oh, girls, Kehold the bridegroom cometh. And 
he isn't even dressed for the wedding. 

Girls {surrounding Amos) . Good morning, Amos. Come 
on, girls ; let's kiss the bridegroom. 

Amos. Wait a minute. You're too previous. That 
doesn't come until after the ceremony. 

Trixie. Come on, girls. We'll take pity on them and 



40 DEACON DUBBS. 

leave them alone with Miss Philipena for a chaperone. 
And she's asleep. (Girls laugh and exit R. U.E. and L. 
U. E. with Trixie.) 

Amos. Good morning, Rose. The sun is shining and 
this is the happiest day of my life. 

Rose. Yes, and it's one minute after ten o'clock. In 
fifty-nine minutes — 

Amos. You'll be Mrs. Amos Coleman. 

Rose. Don't ! 

Amos. What's the matter? 

Rose. Haven't you heard the old saying? It's bad luck 
to call a bride by her husband's name until after the cere- 
mony. 

Amos. What bad luck can we have? All the shadows 
and gloom will be left behind and we'll begin a new life of 
roses and sunshine. 

Rose. I must commence dressing or I'll be late for the 
ceremony. 

Amos. You mustn't be late on your wedding morning, 

Rose. Oh, I'll not keep you waiting, Mr. Bridegroom. 

Amos. If you do I'll forget my dignity and give you a 
good (pauses) — 

Rose. Well, what? A good scolding? 

Amos. No; a good hug. I'll take chances and start 
now. (Starts after her.) 

Rose (runs around table, Amos pursuing her). Oh, no; 
that's bad luck to kiss a bride before the ceremony. You'll 
have to wait till after the wedding/ (Runs into house, 
L. 1 E.) 

Amos. I hope I don't go crazy before the day is over. 

Enter Deut. from R. 1 E. all dressed up. He carries a 
cradle or a child's high chair. 

Deut (goes to Amos and gives him the present). Here! 

Amos. What's that? 

Deut. Weddin' present. 

Amos (laughs). Well, that's a good one, Deuteronomy. 

Deut. Might come in handy. 

Amos. I'm certainly much obliged to you. You make it? 



DEACON DUBBS. • 41 

Deut. Yep. 

Amos. All dressed up, aren't you? 

Deut {proudly struts a fezv steps). Yep. 

Amos. You'd better look out, Deuteronomy. Some of 
these girls are liable to steal you at the wedding. 

Deut. Gosh ! 

Amos. You wouldn't care, would you? 

Deut. Nope. 

Amos. I saw that little Swede girl making sheep's eyes 
at you in church Sunday morning. 

Deut. Gosh. ! 

Amos. Is she your affinity? 

Deut {not comprehending) . Huh? 

Amos. Are you her sweetheart? 



Deut. 


Nope. 


Amos. 


Going to be ? - 


Deut. 


Nope. 


Amos. 


Why, you're not going to be an old bachelor, 


are you? 




Deut. 


Nope. 


Amos. 


Who's the girl? 


Deut. 


Trixie. 


Amos. 


My sister? 


Deut. 


Yep. 


Amos. 


Why, she's only a little girl. She's not sixteen. 


Deut. 


She'll grow. 


Amos. 


I think you'd better take the Swede. She's more 


suited to 


you. Yennie is a fine girl and she's got money 


in the bank. 


Deut. 


Money ? 


Amos. 


Yes, indeed. 


Deut. 


Much? 


Amos. 


I haven't ascertained the exact amount, but she's 


very thri: 


Ety. 


Deut. 


And durned ugly. 


Amos. 


What difference does that make ? Beauty is only 


skin deep 


>. 


Deut. 


She's crazy. 



42 • DEACON DUBBS. 

Amos. Oh, no; no, indeed. She's only a little senti- 
mental, that's all. She's just full of sentiment. 

Deut. Full of sediment? 

Amos. Not sediment, sentiment. She wants to be loved. 

Deut. Gosh ! 

Enter Yennie, R. U. E. She comes through gate car- 
rying large crayon portrait of very homely man. 

Yennie. Yollo ! 

Amos. Here she is now, Deuteronomy. Brace up. Re- 
member, she's got money in the bank. 

Deut. Gosh ! 

Yennie {coming down R. C). I bane come to wedding. 

Amos (at C). We're glad to see you, Yennie. 

Yennie. Oh, yumping yiminy, ain't it yolly? You and 
Missis Rose bane going to be married. 

Amos. Yes, indeed. It's the j oiliest day of my life. 

Yennie (sighs). I wish I bane going to get married. 

Deut. (at L.). Gosh! 

Yennie. I bane bring you nice wedding present. (Dis- 
plays picture.) Dat bane my broder's vife's onkel. I no 
like his picture. He give me de yim-yams, so I give him 
to you for wedding present. 

Amos (takes picture and stands it by the well). Thank 
you, Yennie. 

Yennie (sees Deut. for the first time, crosses to him, 
pulls his coat, acts bashful.) Yollo! 

Deut. (looks at her, pauses). Gosh! (Exits L. 1 E. 
with long strides.) 

Yennie. Vot bane matter?. 

Amos. Rose is in the house, Yennie. Come, I'll take 
the picture in for you. 

Yennie (sees the present left by Deut.). Oh, meester, 
what bane that? m 

Amos. That's Deuteronomy's wedding present. 

Yennie (laughs). Yumping yiminy, he bane funny fel- 
ler. (Takes up Deuteronomy's present and exits L. 1 E., 
followed by Amos carrying picture.) 



DEACON DUBBS. 43 

Enter from R. U. E. Deacon all dressed up. He carries 
a box of flozvers. 

Deacon. Trixie, Trixie ! Where in thunder is that 
harum-scarum critter? I saw her coming up the hill. (Sees 
Miss P.) Miss Philipeny, and asleep. How charming she 
looks. The Sleeping Beauty. Jumping caterpillars, I wish 
I had the nerve to wake her with a kiss. I'll do it, by heck, 
I'll do it. (Starts toward her.) 

Miss P. (gives gentle snore). Ah, h.um! 

Deacon? Sleep on, fair maid. I will awaken thee. 
(Starts to kiss her.) 

Enter Trixie, R. U. E. She comes through the gate. 

Trixie. Why, Uncle Darius, what you going to do? 

Deacon (much embarrassed) . There was a big bumble 
bee just lighting on Miss Philipeny's nose. I jest brushed 
him off. 

Trixie. You can't fool me. The big bumble bee was 
just going to light on her lips, and he came all the way 
from Sorghum Center, State of West Virginny. (Sees 
box.) What you got? 

Deacon. Cat's fur to make kitten britches. 

Trixie. Oh, nunky's in love with Miss Philipena. (Sing- 
song voice, jumping up and down.) Nunky's in love with 
Miss Philipena. 

Deacon (grabs her by the ear). See here, you young 
harum-scarum. You'll wake her up. . 

Trixie. Ouch ! Let go my ear. 

Deacon. Now, see here, you yuung imp of Jericho, I 
want to have a t^lk with. you. 

Trixie. Go on; nobody's stopping you. Go as far as 
you like. 

Deacon. What did you mean by putting three live craw- 
fish in my bed last night? What did you mean by it, hay? 

Trixie. Oh, nunky, what did they do ? What did they do ? 

Deacon. What did they do? What didn't they do? 
One of 'em got hold of my big toe and I almost had to 
cut the toe off to git it loose. 



44 DEACON DUBBS. 

Trixie (laughs). He, he, he! 

Deacon (imitating her). He, he, he! I cal'late you think 
it's funny, don't you? 

Trixie. No, I think it's awfully sad. Especially for the 
craw-fish.. 

Deacon (waves fist on high). I'll, I'll, I'll — 

Trixie. He your hair; it needs it. 

Deacon. I'll lock you down cellar for a month and 
feed you bread and water through the keyhole. 

Trixie. You will? 

Deacon. Yes, I will. 

Trixie (dramatically). Sooner than submit to such 
cruel treatment, I'll commit suicide — by swallowing the 
keyhole. 

Deacon. Oh! (Stamps toward house, L. 1 E.). You — 
I'll — I'll — 

Trixie. He your hair. Right in the house. Good-bye, 
nunky. 

Deacon (stamps with rage). Oh! (Exit in house, L. 
IE.) 

Trixie. Poor nunky ! And he's in love with. Miss Phil- 
ipena. I'll bet a round, red apple he doesn't know she 
wears a wig. I'll have to put him wise. (Climbs up back 
of well, throws cord over the top of the well as though 
fishing, the pin in the cord catches in Miss P.'s wig. Trixie 
pulls it off.) Oh, gee! I got a fish, I got a fish. 

Miss P. {awakens). Oh, my head, my head! (Throws 
shoulder-shazvl over her head and rushes into house, L. 
IE.) 

Trixie (puts on the wig, comes down R.). I wonder 
how I look as a strawberry blonde? (Imitates Miss P/s 
voice.) Howdy do, Deacon? I'm tickled e'en a most to 
death to see you! (Sits in chair vacated by Miss P. and 
takes up her book.) 

Enter Deacon from house, L. 1 E. 

Deacon. There she is yet. I wonder if that little imp 
Trixie is anywhere about? (Looks around.) I don't see 



DEACON DUBBS. 45 

her. (Comes to Trixie.) Hem! (Clears throat to attract 
her attention.) 

Trixie. Hem! (Repeats the sound.) 

Deacon. Morning, Miss Philipeny. 

Trixie. Mornin', Deacon. (Moves over to allozv him 
to sit beside her.) Set down. You're so bashful. 

Deacon. Bashful, me? No, I ain't! 

Trixie. Yes, you are. (During scene she holds the 
book in front of her face.) 

Deacon. I ain't bashful at all. 

Trixie. If you ain't you'd kiss me. 

Deacon. Well, jumping caterpillars, is that what you're 
waiting fer? (Tries to kiss her. She dodges under his arm 
and runs to L.) 

Trixie. Nothing doing, Deacon; nothing doing. 

Deacon. I'll get ye, Philipeny. (Starts to grab her, she 
tries to dodge under his arm as before. He grabs wig and 
it comes off in his hand.) Jumping caterpillars! I've 
scalped the gal. 

Trixie (at R. 1 E.). Try it again, nunky; try it again. 
(Runs out R. 1 E.) 

Deacon. It's Trixie Coleman! I'll give that young imp 
a thrashing that'll make her howl to Jericho. ( Throws down 
the wig and exits, L. 1 E., angrily.) 

Enter, R. U. E., Major and several villagers. 

Major. I reckon the bride is getting ready fer the cere- 
mony. We'll just stand out here under her window and 
give h.er a little serenade. 

Specialty by Male Quartet. 

During the singing Deut. comes in, sits on the floor near 
the well and goes to sleep. 

Major (after specialty). Come right into the house. 
We'll wait for the happy pair and escort 'em over to the 
church. (Exit L. 1 E., followed by villagers.) 

Enter Trixie, R. 1 E. She is walking fast and stumbles 
over the outstretched feet of Deut. 

Trixie (looks at him). Another Sleeping Beauty! I 



46 DEACON DUBBS. 

wonder h.ow Deuteronomy would look in red whiskers. 
(Arranges the wig on his face to represent whiskers.) Isn't 
he a dream? (Crosses to L. 1 E. and speaks into the house.) 
Yennie, Yennie ! Come here. I want to show you the Sleep- 
ing Beauty. 

Enter Yennie, L. IE. 

Yennie. Vot bane matter? 

Trixie (takes her by hand and leads her, with long 
strides, to R., points at the recumbent Deut.). There; look 
at your fate. 

Yennie (not seeing Deut v holds up L. foot, looks at it, 
then repeats same business with R. foot). Fate? What 
bane matter with my fate? 

Trixie. Not your feet — your fate! See! (Points to 
Deut.) 

Yennie. Yumping yiminy! He bane grow whiskers in 
a hurry. (Starts to run out R., trips over his feet and 
falls.) 

Deut. (awakens, looks at Yennie). Gosh! 

Yennie. Oh, I'm scared. Yumping yiminy, I'm scared ! 

Deut. Scared ? 

Yennie. Yah. 

Deut. Why ? 

Yennie. Your face. It bane put on backward. 

Deut. (feels face, feels wig). Whiskers! (Pidls off 
wig, looks at it.) Gosh! 

Trixie (grabs wig). I'll give it back to Miss Philipena. 
I'll be a regular, sure-enough hair restorer. (Exits L. IE.) 

Yennie (sitting beside Deut.). This bane purty yolly, 
ain't it? 

Deut. (leaning away from her). No! 

Yennie. You wish dis bane your wedding day? 

Deut. No. 

Yennie. You bane purty good looking feller. 

Deut. (gets up). Who? Me? 

Yennie (gets up). Yah. You bane going to dance with 
me at wedding? 

Deut. Nope. 



DEACON DUBBS. 47 

Yennie. Why not ? 

Deut. {holds up foot.) Corns. 

Yennie. Vat bane corns? Roasting ears? 

Deut. On foot. 

Yennie. Roasting ears on foot? Yumping yiminy! 

Deut. Good-bye. (Starts toward L.) 

Yennie (pulls him back by coattail). Vere you bane 
going? 

Deut. Work. 

Yennie. I'll go with you. (Leans against him.) 

Deut. (looks at her, pauses). Gosh! (Exits L. 1 E.) 

Yennie (recovering her balance). He bane purty bash- 
ful feller. Vait for me, vait for me. (Runs out L. 1 E^) 
Enter R. U. E. } Rawdon and Emily. 

Rawdon (coming down C). There's no danger at all. 
All you have to do is to pack up your things this evening 
and meet me. at the eleven o'clock train. We'll be in the city 
by midnight. Then we can be married. 

Emily. But it is so sudden. And I've always wanted to 
have a big wedding with a ring and bridesmaids and every- 
thing. 

Rawdon. Do you care more for all that flummery than 
you do for me? 

Emily. No — (hesitates) — but I know papa won't for- 
give me. An elopement is such an awful affair. Every- 
body talks so about it. 

Rawdon. It's the only way. I have to be back in the 
city tomorrow. 

Emily. But I haven't any trousseau. 

Rawdon. We'll buy one in the city. And think of the 
gay times we'll have. The lights, theater, music, gayety ! 

Emily. I'd love to go. 

Rawdon. Then let's have no more argument. You'll 
meet me, won't you? 

Emily. Yes, I'll meet you. 

Rawdon. Then farewell to your humdrum country life. 
I'll make a city belle of you. You'll outrival them all. 

Emily. But really I must tell my mother. 



48 DEACON DUBBS. 

Rawdon. Not a word. That would spoil everything. 
She wouldn't let you go. 

Emily. No, she wouldn't. Oh, I don't know what to do. 

Rawdon. You trust me, don't you? 

Emily (hesitates). Yes. 

Rawdon. Then leave everything in my hands. I don't 
think I'd better stay here. I'll go back to the hotel. Re- 
member, eleven o'clock tonight. (Noise and laughter in 
the house.) 

Emily. But I'd love to have a big wedding like Rose is 
having this morning. 

Rawdon (at L. looks in house). A bunch of country 
jays. What do they know of life? 

Emily. And yet they are so happy. 

Rawdon (looking in door L. 1 E., speaks sharp and sud- 
denly). Emily! 

Emily. What is it? 

Rawdon. Who is that girl? The one in white. 

Emily. That is the bride. 

Rawdon. Kit Lorraine! 

Emily. No, her name is Rose Raleigh. She is the owner 
of the farm. 

Rawdon. What ? 

Emily. She owns this place. She is going to marry 
Amos Coleman this morning. 

Rawdon (faces front). At last fate has played into my 
hands. I mustn't be seen here. 

Emily. Why not? 

Rawdon. Never mind. I'm going to the hotel. (Exits 
R. U. E.) 

Emily. Well, I like that. (Crosses to door of house.) 
He wants me to take the night train with him. I don't 
know. I don't know. (Exits L. IE.) 

Enter Miss P., L. U. E. 

Miss P. (comes down to chair R. of table). If that girl, 
Trixie Coleman, belonged to me I'd put her in the State 
penitentiary. (Sits and sews.) I never saw such a critter 
in all my born days. 



DEACON DUBBS. 49 

Enter Deacon from L. 1 E. with fancy box. 

Deacon. There she is, as chipper as a redbird in a snow- 
storm. 

Miss P. {glancing at him). It's the Deacon. Be still, 
my little fluttering heart, be still. 

Deacon. H-hm! {Clears throat.) 

Miss P. {rises). Why, Deacon, how you startled me. 
{Puts her sewing in chair and goes to him.) Come over to 
the wedding, did you? 

Deacon. Yep. {Bashful business, twisting foot and 
looking at it). I wish it was my wedding day, Philipeny. 
I do, by heck. 

Miss P. {coming down R. C). Oh, Deacon, how you 
do talk. 

Deacon {coming down C). I brought you over some 
flowers, Philipeny. 

Miss P. Oh, ain't that nice. {Takes box.) Won't you 
sit down? {Sits at R.) 

Deacon. Don't keer if I do. {Sits on chair R. of table, 
where Miss P. left her sewing., He is supposed to sit on 
the needle.) Ouch! {Jumps up, rubs hip.) 

Miss P. Why, what's the matter, Deacon? 

Deacon. Got the toothache. Jumping grasshoppers, it 
hurts! {Rubs hip.) 

Miss P. Oh, I'm so sorry. 

Deacon (crosses to her). Are you, Philipeny? 

Miss P. Yes, Darius. 

Deacon. I'm a plain man, Philipeny — a real plain man. 

Miss P. Yes, I know you are. 

Deacon. And when I want a thing I generally try to 
get it. Now I (unconsciously backs toward chair contain- 
ing sewing) thought as how Rose and Amos was getting 
married this morning, that it would be a good time fer me 
to — (clears throat after pause) that is — I was wondering 
how you felt — how you felt — 

Miss P. Oh, I feel first class, Darius. 

Deacon. Oh, I ain't going to beat round the bush. I 
want to come to the point, Philipeny, and I'm going to come 



50 DEACON DUBBS. 

to the point, and in order to come to the point — {sits on 
needle, yells, jumps up). 

Miss P. Why, Deacon! 

Deacon. Jumping caterpillars! Got stung by a hornet. 
(Rubs hip.) 

Miss P. Oh, Darius! 

Deacon. Right on the solar plexus, by heck. 

Miss P. Why, Deacon, you must have set down on my 
needle. (Removes sewing.) 

Deacon. Yes, and now I'll have to eat my meals off'n 
the mantel-piece. 

Miss P. (comes down to chair L. of table). It's almost 
time for the wedding. If you've got anything to say to me, 
Darius Dubbs, you'd better say it and not beat around the 
bush. 

Deacon (sits R. of table). Well — er — that is — you 
know — 

Miss P. Have a little ice tea, Deacon? 

Deacon. Don't keer if I do. 'Bout three fingers. 

Miss P. (presents glass). Now go on with what you was 
a-saying. 

Deacon. I jest wanted to tell you, Miss Philipeny, what 
I think of you. Every time I look at you I think you're a — 

Miss P. (passing dish of lemon slices). Lemon, Deacon? 

Deacon. No, you ain't a lemon ; far from it. You're 
just as sweet as — 

Miss P. ( passes the sugar bowl). Sugar, Deacon? 

Deacon (absentmindedly putting eight or nine squares 
of sugar in his tea while Miss P. is opening the box). Jest 
so, Philipeny. You're as sweet as sugar. When I brought 
you them flowers, they reminded me of you, so sweet and 
fresh and all over dew. 

Miss P. (has opened box and takes out a pair of long 
red stockings.) Darius Dubbs! (Stands looking wrath- 
fully at him.) 

Deacon (jumping up, his hand in the sugar bowl, he 
extends fingers and the bowl is thus clamped to his hand). 
Jumping caterpillars ! 



DEACON DUBBS. 51 

Miss P. (hits him over the head with the stockings) . You 
ugly old bear you ! Trying to insult me in my own house. 
(Throws stockings in his face.) If I need a new pair of 
stockings, I cal'late I can buy 'em. (Runs into house L. 
1 E., slamming door in Deacon's face.) 

Deacon (runs after her to the door). Well, I'll be 
swunked! (Raises arm above head as if angry.) I'll 
trounce that gal Trixie within an inch of her life. (Sees 
sugar bowl clamped on hand.) Tarnation! (Tears it off, 
throws it forcibly to floor C. and exits L. 1 E.) 

Enter Amos and several villagers bearing outlandish 
presents. 

Amos. Ten minutes to wedding time. I'm as nervous 
as a kitten. 

First Man (exhibits present). See what I brung you, 
Amos. Mess of string beans. 

Second Man. I brung ye a silver spoon that's most as 
good as new. 

First Girl. And I've got a brand new tube of tooth 
paste. It'll clean silver, too. 

Second Girl. My maw sent you a quart bottle of Blood 
Bitters, good fer every complaint in the human cistern. 

Amos. Come in, friends, and give the presents to the 
bride. (Exit L. 1 E., followed by villagers.) 

Enter Rawdon Crawley from R. U. E. 

Rawdon (comes down C). So, my pretty wife isn't con- 
tent with one husband. She's about to marry another man, 
is she? Shall I let her go on and then hold the threat of 
bigamy over her head, or shall I make my demands now? 
Some one is coming. (Steps behind well.) 

Music : Wedding March. Enter Rose from L. 1 E. in 
wedding dress and veil. 

Rose. I must get a breath of air. The sun is shining 
and the sky is blue. It's a good omen. My married life 
will be as clear and cloudless as the sky. (End music.) 

Rawdon (meets her at C). Don't be too sure of that. 

Rose (looks at him, stands as if petrified, long pause, 



52 DEACON DUBBS. 

finally her breast heaves, she raises her eyes to his pathet- 
ically). You! 

Rawdon. Yes, I. Surprised to see me, ain't you? 

Rose {in low, tense voice). I didn't know — I didn't 
know. I thought you were dead. They told me so. Your 
mother told me. And now — oh, God, it's all over, it's all 
over. {Sinks on seat L. C. and buries her face in her 
hands.) 

Rawdon. My mother was wrong. It was Jack Morti- 
mer who died ; not me. 

Rose. But your papers — my photographs — were found 
on the body. 

Rawdon. , We were a couple of tramps in Montreal. He 
stole my clothes in a box car. Then he was killed and it 
was safer for me to appear dead. That's all. 

Rose. But why have you come here ? How did you find 
me out? 

Rawdon. That's a pretty question to ask your husband. 
I am no longer a felon. I am a respectable member of 
society. 

Rose. And I had hoped the old life was dead. Oh, why 
didn't you let me know? Why did you wait until my wed- 
ding day? 

Rawdon. I only found you out a few moments ago. 

Rose. And now — it's — all — over. My dreams of happi- 
ness. My peace. My love. 

Rawdon. That depends entirely upon yourself. 

Rose. What do you mean? 

Rawdon. Give me a thousand dollars and I will at once 
disappear. You are rich. The mistress of the Rose iron 
mine. I will go away. You can marry the man you love. 
No one will be the wiser. 

Rose. But I am your wife. 

Rawdon. Yes, according to the law. But if I go away 
you'll never hear from me again. You can go on with the 
wedding. 

Rose. Never! Go away; leave me alone. Leave me 
alone. (Crosses to R.) 



DEACON DUBBS. 53 

Rawdon (following her). In a few moments your 
friends will be here to take you to the church.. What will 
they think when they learn that Rose Raleigh is the wife 
of an ex-convict? What will he think? Th.e man who was 
to have been your husband. 

Rose. Go, go! 

Rawdon. I won't go. (Seises her.) I won't give you 
up. I was going away with another woman, but I want 
you. You're my wife. We'll go to the city together. 

Rose. No, no! (Crosses to L.) The old life is dead. 
You deceived me, you took my money, my jewels, all I had. 
You struck me, you beat me, you forced me to fly from 
place to place in fear of the police — 

Rawdon. Enough. You are my wife. Take off that 
bridal wreath, that sparkling necklace. Give it to me. 

Rose. No. 

Rawdon. His gift, I suppose. His gift to my wife. 
Give it to me. 

Rose (shrinks azvay from him). Don't touch me, don't 
touch me! 

Rawdon (seises her, forces her to her knees, back to 
audience). Touch you? I'll strangle you! 

Enter Amos from L. 1 E. "Hurry" Music. 

Amos (crosses down to Rawdon, seizes him, pulls him 
from Rose, flings him to R. C). You ruffian! What does 
this mean? (Choking him.) Answer me, or I'll choke you 
as I would a dog. 

Rose (rises). No, no! Amos, don't. He is — 

Amos. Speak, you cur ! Speak ! 

Rawdon. Let me go; let me go! 

Amos. Get up, you dog, and explain. 

Rawdon. Yes, I'll explain. (To Rose.) He wants me 
to explain. . (Rises.) 

Rose. No, no ! In mercy's name. Spare me, spare me. 
(Sobs, face in hands.) 

Amos (at C). Spare you? Rose, what hold has this 
man on you ? Speak. Speak ! I command you. 



54 DEACON DUBBS. 

Rose {low voice, tense with emotion). He — is — my — 
husband. 

Rawdon {at R.). Now you see what I was doing. I 
was enforcing my rights. 

Amos {at C, hesitates). His wife? I — I — 

Rawdon. Stunned, are you ? Well, I can't stay here any 
longer. {Crosses to Rose.) You come with me. 

Rose. No, no. 

Rawdon {clutches her wrist). You'll come with me or 
I'll drag you by force. 

Amos {flings him to R.). Don't you dare to touch her! 

Rawdon. Curse you, I'll fix you. {Draws knife.) 

Rose {screams). Amos! 

(Rawdon strikes with knife, Amos catches his hand. 
Rawdon drops knife. Amos forces him to his knees, takes 
knife and points it at his breast.) 

Amos. Lie there, you cur, or it will be your life instead 
of mine. 

Picture and Quick Curtain. 

Second Curtain. 

{Bring curtain up quick. All characters on at rear. Rose 
and Amos at L. Rawdon on floor at R. Deacon, C. D., 
covering Rawdon with revolver.) 

Deacon. Rawdon Crawley, you are my prisoner. 

Rawdon. By what right? 

Deacon. By the right of God and the town of Sorghum 
Center, State o' West Virginny! 

Curtain. 



DEACON DUBBS. 55 



Act III. 

Scene : Same as Acts I and II, but a year later and in the 
autumn. Autumn leaves all over the stage. No flowers on 
vines. Piles of corn, ready for husking, on stage at front 
R., C. and L. Table and chairs have been removed, but a 
few stools are on stage. Wheelbarrow back of well. 

Lights: On full at beginning of act, but one-quarter 
down at cue, then later one-half down. Bright yellow bunch 
lights at all entrances, to change red at cue and later to 
blue, to indicate setting sun followed by twilight. 
Music : "Polly Wolly Doodle" takes up curtain. 
Discovered: Miss P. and Rose on stools at L., sur- 
rounded by villagers on floor. Amos, Trixie and Deut. 
at C. with group of huskers. Major, Emily and Yennie 
at R. with group of huskers. Mixed quartet at well t 

Before curtain rises the company sings to tune of "Polly 
Wolly Doodle — 

Oh, I went down South to a husking bee, 

Sing Polly, wolly, doodle all the day ! 

And awful sights I there did see, 

Sing Polly, wolly, doodle all the day. 

Fare thee well, fare thee well, 

Fare thee well, my fairy fay, 

For I'm going to Louisiana for to see my Susy Anna, 

Sing Polly, wolly, doodle all the day. 

Curtain rises. 
We had apple pie and cider, too, Sing Polly, etc. 
Cold pigs' feet and chicken stew. Sing Polly, etc. 
Fare thee well, etc. 
Mixed Quartet (at well sing "The Old Oaken 
Bucket") — 

How dear to my heart are the scenes of my childhood, 
When fond recollection presents them to view, 
The orchard, the meadow, the deep tangled wildwood, 
And every loved spot which my infancy knew. 



56 DEACON DUBBS. 

The wide spreading pond and the mill that stood by it, 
The bridge and the rock where the cataract fell, 
The cot of my father, the dairy house nigh it, 
And e'en the rude bucket that hung in the well. 
The old oaken bucket, the iron bound bucket, 
The moss covered bucket that hung in the well. 

{For an encore the quartet may sing "Lily Dale'' "The 
Quilting Party" or some similar old-time song. One stanza 
and chorus.) 

Miss P. {sharply). Deuteronomy Jones, don't you go 
to sleep. There's plenty of corn to be husked yet. You boys 
better sing something fast, so as we'll get more work done. 

Trixie. Let's sing a round. Come on. Scotland's 
Burning. Start her up,* Miss Philipena. 

Miss P. {with group surrounding her, sings). "Scot- 
land's burning, Scotland's burning!" {All nodding heads.) 
"Look put, look out!" {Gesture shading eyes to R., then 
to L.) 

Trixie {and her group, when Miss P.'s group start on 
"Look out," start on) "Scotland's burning," etc. 

Miss P. {with her group, continuing song). "Fire, fire! 
Fire, fire!" {Hand to mouth as if calling fire.) "Pour on 
water, pour on water!" {Gestures.) 

• { The four groups sing the round, each singing a different 
phrase. Repeat faster and faster until all are laughing, 
jumping up and down, etc. Plenty of fast business must be 
introduced.) 

Trixie. Oh, the Major's got a red ear, the Major's got 
a red ear. 

Major. That's right. Here it is. 

All. Choose your girl, Major. Choose your girl. 

Major. Well, let me see. {Looks around.) I think I'll 
give the red ear to Yennie Yensen. {Gives it to her.) 

Yennie. Yumping yiminy, vot must I do? 

Major {crosses to her). You don't do anything. I'll 
do it. {Takes her face in two hands.) 

Yennie. You bane tickling me. You better let me alone 
or I'll give you a yolt on the yaw. 



DEACON DUBBS. 57 

Major. Just a little kiss. {Kisses her.) 

Yennie. Yumping yiminy! 

Deut. {rises, comes to Major, pulls him away). Darn it! 

All. What's the matter, Deuteronomy? 

Yennie. Yah, vot bane the matter? 

Deut. Got stung by a bee. 

All. Deuteronomy's jealous, Deuteronomy's jealous. 

Yennie. Der Major he bane purty good looking feller. 
Pull off some more corn, Major. Maybe you bane going 
to find another red ear. 

Deut. {goes to Yennie, pulls her around facing him, 
pauses, then looks in her face). Flirter! 

Yennie. Vot bane flirter? 

Deut. You. 

Yennie. I don't care. Mr. Yones, you bane too slow 
to catch cold. {Resumes her seat.) 

Trixie. It's pretty near train time. Let's all go down 
to the depot and meet the Deacon. 

Major. Come on. I cal'late he'll have some fine stories 
about his trip to New York. {All get up.) 

Miss P. He'd better stay here instead of galavanting 
around to New York City. I don't approve of that place. 
It ain't moral. {Starts up C.) 

Major {noticing her limp). Why, what's the matter, 
Miss Philipeny? 

Miss P. I got a sprained ankle. It's all on account of 
that new cow I got last night from Otis Hammerhead. 
She's a kicker. 

Trixie. Did you milk her, Miss Philipena? 

Miss P. Well, I 'lowed I'd try, but I landed clean across 
the fence in Jabe Doolittle's pasture lot. A barrel of money 
wouldn't tempt me near th.e critter agin. {Train whistle in 
distance.) 

Major. There comes the train. Come on ; we're going 
to meet the Deacon. {Exit R. U. E., followed by Emily, 
Yennie, Trixie and villagers. Lights down one-quarter. 
Red light effect at entrances.) 



58 DEACON DUBBS. 

Miss P. Deuteronomy you kin milk that new cow crit- 
ter. I wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot pole? 

Deut. Who? Me? 

Miss P. Yes. You hain't scared, are you? 

Deut. (slowly). Nope — jist nervous. 

Miss P. Come in and git the pail. (Exit L. 1 E. into 
house.) 

Deut. Darn ! 

Amos. Just take your time and go easy, Deuteronomy. 
She won't kick you. Treat her gentle. 

Deut. Gentle? Gosh! (Exit L. IE.) 

Amos. Rose, I have some news for you. 

Rose. News, Amos? 

Amos. The Major told me that he read in the paper 
that Rawdon Crawley had escaped from the penitentiary. 

Rose. Escaped? Then he will come here. What shall 
I do? 

Amos. Divorce him. You have waited a year. Rose, 
do not let this horrible spectre stand in our path to hap- 
piness. 

Rose. But he is my husband, Amos. I promised to 
love, honor and obey until death do us part. 

Amos. But he has forfeited all right to your love, Rose. 
He is a felon. A divorce would be the easiest thing in the 
world. Say yes, Rose ; say yes. 

Rose. I cannot. I took an oath until death do us part. 
When did he escape from the penitentiary? 

Amos. Last month. Several convicts seized and over- 
powered one of the guards. Three of them escaped, but 
two were captured. 

Rose. And Rawdon Crawley escaped. 

Amos. Yes ; but have no fear Rose. Come what may, 
I will protect you. 

Enter Deut. from L. 1 E. with two milk pails. 

Rose. Be careful, Deuteronomy. Don't let the cow kick 
you. 

Deut. Nope. (Exit R. U. E.) 



DEACON DUBBS. 59 

Amos. If Rawdon Crawley does come here, Rose, let 
me know. 

Miss P. (in house). Deuteronomy, where are you? The 
cat's in the cream and I can't move a step. 

Amos. Wait a minute, • Miss Philipena. I'll help you. 
(Exit L.IE.) 

Rose (seated L.). Rawdon escaped! Oh, I am afraid, 
I am afraid. 

Rawdon, dressed as a tramp, face pale and unshaven, 
coat gone, shirt bloody, crawls in and sinks exhausted C. 
He enters from behind well. 

Rawdon. Rose! 

Rose (rising alarmed). Rawdon Crawley! 

Rawdon. I've been waiting for hours to speak to you. 
They're after me. I came in a box car. The brakeman 
shot me. (Faintly.) Help me, Rose; help me. I'm all in. 
I'm all in. 

Rose (kneels beside him). What can I do, Rawdon? 
What can I do? 

Rawdon. Water! 

Rose (gets water from well, tears flounce from skirt and 
binds up his arm). There, that's better. Why have you 
come here? 

Rawdon. They're after me, I tell you. I hear them by 
day, by night. Every minute I hear footsteps. They're 
trying to drag me back, to drag me back to that living death. 
But I'll never go ; I'll never be taken alive. 

Rose. You mustn't be seen here. The Deacon is com- 
ing in on the train. 

Rawdon. Curse him. You must hide me. 

Rose. But where? Miss Philipena is in the house. 

Rawdon. I'll get away. I'll hide at the roundhouse and 
catch the train as it goes by. But I must have some money. 

Rose (gives him her purse). That's all I have. 

Rawdon. That ring. That diamond ring. Give it to me. 

Rose. I can't give you that, Rawdon. I can't give you 
that. 



60 DEACON DUBBS. 

Rawdon (takes her hand and takes off ring). You will 
give it to me. 

Miss P. (in the house). Rose, Rose, where are you? 

Rose. Someone is coming. What shall I do? 

Rawdon. Don't worry. (Rises.) I'll give 'em the slip 
yet. The bloodhounds of the law will never take me alive. 
(Looks in purse, takes out bills, throws purse to floor). 
Twenty dollars ! Is that all you have ? 

Rose. That's all. 

Miss P. (inside house). Has the train come in yet? 

Rose. It's just drawing in at the station. 

Rawdon. I'll catch the train. I'll give 'em the slip. 
(Starts out L. U. E.) 

Rose. Heaven help you, Rawdon. Heaven help you. 

Rawdon. They'll never take me alive. (Exits L. U. E.) 

Rose (sinks in chair at L., buries her face in her hands). 
This is my punishment, and my punishment is more than 
I can bear. (Weeps.) 

(Noise of angry cow heard off R. U. E. Dummy figure 
supposed to be Deut. is thrown across stage from R. U. E. 
to L. U. E.) 

Enter Miss P. from L. 1 E. 

Miss P. What was that? 
Enter Deut. from L. U. E. carrying one battered milk pail. 

Deut. Gosh! (Limps into house, L. 1 E., with funny 
walk.) 

Miss P. I wonder if he milked the cow. 

Enter Trixie from R. U. E., followed by villagers. 

Trixie. The Deacon's home. Here he comes. Here 
he comes. (Down R.) 

Enter Deacon from R. U. E. All characters except 
Rawdon on the stage. 

Miss P. (limps up to Deacon). Welcome home, Darius. 
Welcome home. 

Deacon. Thank you, Philipeny. By heck, I'm glad to 
git home. 



DEACON DUBBS. 61 

Amos. And you're looking fine. ( Shakes hands with 
him.) 

Deacon. Jist as fresh as a two-year-old. I had the time 
of my life in New York City, but it ain't like Sorghum 
Center, State o' West Virginny. 

Major. And this ain't far behind it. 

Deacon. That's all right. {Looks around.) Looks like 
I've interrupted something. What's going on, Ph.ilipeny? 

Miss P. Oh, just a little husking bee, Darius. Come 
on, folks, finish the husking and then we'll all go in to 
supper. The fried chicken is frizzling in the pan. 

All {with closed lips). Umm, umm! 

Miss P. The chocolate cake is ready to be cut, the ice 
cream is all froze and the mince pies is just oozing through 
the crust. 

All {as before). Umm, umm! 

Miss P. Boys, let's have a little more music while we 
finish the husking. {All resume seats.) 

{Specialty introduced by Quartet or Chorus. The song, 
"Cousin Jedediah" is recommended, but any similar rustic 
song may be substituted.) 

- Deacon {after specialty). I had the best time there in 
New York City a-ridin' on them street cars. Fact is I spent 
most of my money jest taking car rides. Went out to the 
park one day and when it was time to go home, I snum, if 
I wasn't clean busted financially. 

Trixie. What did you do, Nunky ? 

Deacon. Way back in my jeans I found seven cents, a 
lonesome looking nickel and two coppers, so I jumped on 
the back of an open car. I didn't want to lose that nickel, 
so I held it between my teeth, and I snum {laughs heart- 
ily). The car gave a sudden start and I swallowed my 
nickel. 

Miss P. Why, Deacon! 

Amos. What did you do, then? 

Deacon. There I was. I had my fare,, but I couldn't 
get it. The conductor came around and I says, says I, 
"Conductor, I've lost my nickel; what'll I do?" He says, 



62 DEACON DUBBS. 

says he, "You'll do just like the rest. Cough, up." Jump- 
ing grasshoppers, I nearly coughed my head off, but I 
couldn't raise the fare. The conductor came around again 
and I was still coughing. He was awful mad. "Come up, 
come up ! Cough up !" he says. "That's right," says I. 
"You talk to it; maybe it'll come up for you; it wouldn't 
for me." (Laughs.) 

Miss P. That was a nice fix for you to be caught in, 
Darius Dubbs, and you a deacon in the church. 

Deacon. I told him I'd swallowed it. He was real mad. 
"Come off," says he, "nothing of that kind goes down with 
me." I told him I must be different, 'cause everything I 
swallowed goes down with me. Then he said, "You're fool- 
ing with me ; I can see it in your face." I told him to grab 
it if he could see it, and then I remembered the two pennies. 
I handed him them. "You ought to have more sense than 
than that," says he. "I know it," says I. "I orter have 
enough, to pay my fare, but I ain't." 

Trixie. Did they put you off the car, nunky? 

Deacon. The conductor pulled the rope and the motor- 
man stopped the car. "What's the matter?" says he, "any- 
thing broke?" "Nothing but one of the passengers." And 
they threw me off. {Laughs.) 

Miss P. And you a deacon in the church! 

Deacon. I was still about two miles from the hotel and 
not a stomach-pump in sight. Another car came along and 
I jumped on the platform. "Conductor," says I, "will you 
let me ride fer a nickel inside?" He said it was just the 
same inside or out as fur as he was concerned, but it made 
all the difference in the world to me. I went inside and 
rode about, a mile. Then the conductor comes along and 
says, "Say, did I get your nickel up in front?" "If you did," 
says I, "you must have give me laughing gas, 'cause I didn't 
feel it when it left me." {Laughs.) 

Trixie. Corn's all husked, Miss Philipena. 

Miss P. So it is. Now all of you walk right in to sup- 
per. {Exits L. 1 E v limping. Deacon notices the limp 



i 



DEACON DUBBS. 63 

and imitates it across the stage. All go out L. 1 E., Trixie 
last.) 

Deacon (grasps Trixie' s arm and brings her down C). 
Trixie, what's the matter with Philipeny? 

Trixie. What's the matter with her? What do you 
mean, nunky? 

Deacon. Didn't you notice it? (Imitates her limping 
walk.) Got the spring halt, ain't she? 

Trixie. Of course not. It's worse than that. 

Deacon (down C). Worse than that? And I wrote her 
from New York and asked her to marry me. 

Trixie (down L. C). You noticed the way she walked? 
Like that? (Limps.) 

Deacon. Yes, I noticed it. Like that. (Imitates.) 

Trixie (pretending to cry). Oh, it's awfully sad, nunky, 
awfully sad. Poor Miss Philipena! And she was so lively, 
too. 

Deacon. What is it, Trixie? What awful thing has 
happened to Philipeny? 

Trixie (crying). It was the result of an accident with 
the mowing machine last month. 
. Deacon. Jumping caterpillars, Trixie Coleman! What 
was the accident? (At L. C. in front of stool.) 

Trixie. She's awfully sensitive about it, nunky, but if 
you must know — ("Whispers in his ear). 

Deacon (very much surprised, sinks in seat). Cork? 

Trixie. Cork. 

Deacon. Cork? 

Trixie. To there. (Drazvs hand quickly across leg just 
below knee.) 

Deacon. To where? 

Trixie (same business). To there. 

Deacon. Oh! (Buries face in arms.) This is awful. 

Trixie. But she's a real good business investment, 
nunky. If you should ever lose your money, she'd keep 
you afloat. 

Deacon (half dazed). And I've asked her to become 
Mrs. Darius Dubbs the second. And cork! To there! 



64 DEACON DUBBS. 

{Repeats Trixie' s gesture.) Jumping caterpillars. Half a 
woman and half a tree. I'd better take the next train back 
to Sorghum Center. {Exits L. 1 E.) 

Trixie. Poor old nunky! He'd swallow anything. 
Won't there be fireworks when Miss Philipena finds it out? 

Enter Deut. from L. 1 E., napkin tucked in neck, chicken 
leg in one hand, piece of pie in the other, he takes bites first 
from one and then the other. 

Deut. Trixie ! 

Trixie. What is it, Deuteronomy? 

Deut. You're losing out. 

Trixie. I'm not hungry. Are you? 

Deut. Awful. 

Trixie. Why didn't you stay in and finish your supper? 

Deut. Wanted see you. 

Trixie. To see me. What for? 

Deut. You look awful pretty. 

Trixie. How do you like my new dress? {Twirls 
around.) 

Deut. Slapti-tuderous. 

Trixie. What does that mean, Deuteronomy ? 

Deut. Super-bilious. 

Trixie. Quite a compliment. 

Deut. Say ! 

Trixie. What is it? 

Deut. Marry me? 

Trixie. What? , 

Deut. Marry me? 

Trixie. Marry you? 

Deut. Yep. {Grins and acts bashful.) 

Trixie. Oh, I'm too young to get married. And besides 
I don't love you. 

Deut. Answer. 

Trixie. My answer will have to be no, Deuteronomy. 
I'm sorry. 

Deut. {disappointed.) No! 

Trixie. Yes. 

Deu*t. {delighted). Yes? 



DEACON DUBBS. 65 

Trixie. No. Oh, Deuteronomy, don't you think Yennie 
Yensen is a pretty girl? (Deut. thinks, pause.) Well, she 
is. {Pause.) Isn't she? 

Deut. Kinder. 

Trixie. And she'd make you an awfully good wife.. 
{Pause.) Oh, yes, she would. {Pause.) Wouldn't she? 

Deut. Kinder. 

Trixie. And you'll go and propose to her right away, 
won't you, Deuteronomy? {Teasing him.) You will, won't 
you? Just to please me? 

Deut. Maybe. 

Trixie (crosses to door and calls).- Yennie! Yennie, 
come here. I've got something for you. 

Enter Yennie, eating cake and chicken, from L. 1 E. 

Yennie (at L.). Vot bane matter? 

Trixie. I've got something for you. 

Yennie. Vot is it? 

Trixie (points to Deut.). There it is. (Runs to door 
L. 1 E.) Remember what you promised me, Deuteronomy. 
(Exits L. IE.) 

Deut. Cow kicked me. 
■ Yennie. Oh, dat bane too bad. Vere did she kick you ? 

Deut. Corn-patch. 

Yennie. Dot's awful place to get kicked. 

Deut. Going to leave. 

Yennie. Vot you bane going to do? 

Deut. Open a store. 

Yennie. Yumping yiminy, dot bane nice. Maybe you 
vant me to be a clerk in your store. 

Deut. Nope. Housekeeper. 

Yennie. I bane too young to bane housekeeper. 

Deut. Nope. Housekeeper. 

Yennie. Not me. 

Deut. Wife. 

Yennie. Who? Me? 

Deut. You. 

Yennie. Say it again und say it slow. 

Deut. Wi-i-i-fe. 



66 DEACON DUBBS. 

Yennie. You bane vant me to be your wife? 
Deut. Yep. 

Yennie (throws both arms around him). I'm yours. 
Deut. Gosh ! 

Enter Miss P. from L. 1 E. 

Miss P. (throws up both hands in astonishment) . Deute- 
ronomy Jones ! Yennie Yensen ! What does this mean ? 

Deut. Marriage. 

Miss P. Well, I never. 

Yennie. I never, neither. 

Miss P. So you're engaged to be married. Go in and 
tell the folks. 

Deut. Nope. 

Miss P. Why not? 

Deut. Skeerd. 

Yennie. You bane come right straight along, Mr. 
Yones. I'll tell the folks. (Pushes him out L. 1 E.) He 
bane purty good looking feller. (Exit L. 1 E.) 

Miss P. Love's young dream. How happy they are. 
I wonder what on earth's the matter with the Deacon. He 
wrote me a letter asking me to be his'n, but now he's trying 
to avoid me. I don't understand it at all. (Crosses up to 
well and looks off R.) 

Enter Deacon, L. 1 E. 

Deacon. There she is now. Every time she moves I 
imagine I hear it creak. 

Miss P. Why, Deacon, what's the matter? You seem 
troubled. 

Deacon (dances around). Oh, no; not at all. I'm gay; 
I'm gay! 

Miss P. (coming down to him). You can't deceive me. 
I've known you too long. There's something on your mind. 
What is it ? 

Deacon (absentmindedly) . Cork. 

Miss P. Cork? 

Deacon. Did I say cork? I'm getting light-headed. 

Miss P. We're going to have a moonlight dance after 



DEACON DUBBS. 67 

supper, Deacon. {Dances around.) All the old-fashioned 
dances. 

Deacon. Now to look at her, who would imagine she 
had a drawback ? I don't see how you manage it, Philipeny. 
1 Miss P. Manage it? Manage what? 

Deacon. To jump around like that when you haven't 
got both — I mean, with only one — I mean with only one 
good one. 

Miss P. What's the matter with you, Deacon? I'm just 
waltzing. ( Waltzes. ) 

Deacon (watching her closely). Jumping caterpillars, 
she's got it wound up. 

Miss P. I got your letter, Darius. And you really want 
me to be Mrs. Deacon Dubbs Number Two ? 

Deacon. Of course I do. In spite of everything, I want 
ye, Philipeny. I want ye. 

Miss P. In spite of everything? Darius Dubbs, what 
do you mean ? 

Deacon. I heard about your accident. 

Miss P. Oh, that little thing. 

Deacon. She calls it a little thing. 
• Miss P. It was only a trifle. 

Deacon. A trifle! 

Miss P. And I can walk almost as good as ever. 

Deacon. Didn't it hurt? 

Miss P. Oh, a little. I'm going to sell that cow tomor- 
row. 

Deacon. Cow? What cow? 

Miss P. The cow that kicked me, of course. 

Deacon. I thought it was a mowing machine. 

Miss P. Deacon Dubbs, whoever heard of a mowing 
machine kicking a body? 

Deacon. But did you have to have it taken off? 

Miss P. What — the cow? 

Deacon. No, not the cow. The— the — well, never mind, 
Philipeny, I'll take you in spite of it. 

Miss P. What on earth are you talking about? 

Deacon. Your limp. 



68 DEACON DUBBS. 

Miss P. The cow kicked and twisted my ankle; that's 
all. (Shows ankle.) See! 

Deacon. Jumping caterpillars, I'll wallop the life out 
that gal Trixie. So you jest got a twisted ankle? 

Miss P. Certainly. Did you think I was lame for life? 

Deacon. She said — that is, she told me that you — well, 
never mind, Philipeny, you're mine and I'm yourn ! (Opens 
arms.) Come into camp. 

Enter Trixie from L. 1 E. 

Trixie. Is everything all right? 

Deacon. You just wait till I get you home, young lady. 

Trixie. I want to congratulate you, nunky, on the 
additional member in the family. (Holds up her foot on 
word "member") 

Deacon (rushes after her). Wait till I get you; that's 
all. (Trixie runs out at L. 1 E., laughing.) 

Miss P. (sits at R.). m What has she been doing now, 
Deacon ? 

Deacon. Nev^r mind, Philipeny. (Crosses to her, 
looks for a place to sit down.) You say you got my letter? 

Miss P. (rises and comes to him). Yes, Darius. 

Deacon. Well, what did you think of the proposition? 

Miss P. Do you really want me, Deacon? (Sits at R.) 

Deacon (comes to her). Want you, Philipeny? I want 
you more'n I want anything on earth. (Looks for place to 
sit down, finally goes to well and brings out the wheelbar- 
row.) Miss Philipeny! 

Miss P. Yes, Deacon? 

Deacon. Sit down here. (Motions to wheelbarrow at 
C. She comes to it. He sits on handle and falls.) 

Miss P. Deacon Dubbs, are you crazy? 

Deacon (on floor). No, just a little off the handle; 
that's all. 

Miss P. (sits in the wheelbarrow) . I've considered the 
matter very carefully Deacon — and I've finally decided — 

Deacon (sits on handle). Yes, Philipeny? 

Miss P. Why, we're so old. What would folks say? 



DEACON DUBBS. 69 

They'd laugh at us, Darius. They'd laugh until they'd drop. 
(Rises, he falls.) 

Deacon. They'd drop and I dropped. 

Miss P. (helping him up. They resume seats). But it's 
no laughing matter. 

Deacon (rubbing hip). No, indeed; it's no laughing 
matter. 

Miss P. I've a good notion to say yes. 

Deacon. That would be the best word you ever said, 
Philipeny. See, I brought you a present from New York. 
(Produces ring in case.) Can you guess what it is? 

Miss P. It's a ring. An engagement ring. Oh, Deacon! 

Deacon. You guessed it right away. I had an idea 
you'd think it was a sewing machine or a bathing suit. 

Miss P. (taking ring from box). Oh, isn't it a beauty. 

Deacon. It orter be. It cost nineteen dollars and sixty 
cents. 

Miss P. You can put it on my finger, Darius. (Holds 
out hand bashfully. Wriggles fingers) 

Deacon (takes her hand). Say, Philipeny, you've got 
more fingers than I thought you had. Which one'll I put 
it on? 

Miss P. The latest style is the third finger of the left 
hand. 

Deacon. I see; I see. (Counts from little finger.) One, 
two, three. (Kisses middle finger.) 

Miss P. Wait! That's not the one. Count the other 
way. 

Deacon (counts from thumb) . One, two, three ! (Wrig- 
gles her middle finger) And there she is. 

Miss P. No, no ; that's the same finger. 

Deacon. I thought that finger looked familiar. 

Miss P. (extending third, finger). That's the proper 
finger, Darius. 

Deacon (puts on the ring). And this is the proper caper. 
(Kisses her.) 

Enter Yennie from L. 1 E. 

Yennie. Oh, vot bane matter? 



Miss P. You didn't see, did you, Yennie? 

Yennie. No, I not see. Von eye is glass und I cannot 
see out of other von. 

Lights one-half down. Blue light effect from wings. 
Enter all characters from L. 1 E. except Rawdon and 
Major. 

Deacon {pushes wheelbarrow behind well). Jumping 
grasshoppers, here they come. 

Miss P. Friends, I have a surprise for you. 

All. What is it, Miss Ph.ilipena? 

Miss P. {holds up finger, showing ring). This! 

All. Engaged ! Congratulate you, Deacon. When's the 
wedding to be? {Etc.) 

Trixie. And now we'll have a dance. {Calls out.) Get 
your partners for the Virginia reel. 

{Ladies all form on one side up and down stage, gentle- 
men opposite their partners. Music.) 

Deut. {calling figures). Forward and back. {All for- 
ward and back.) Forward and swing. {All forward and 
swing partners.) Last gent and first lady forward and 
back. (Deut. and Miss P. forward and back.) Swing 
with right hand. Swing with, left hand. Do-see-do. {Back 
to back.) First couple sashay. (Miss P. and Deacon 
dance down to front and back to places.) Sashay again. 
(Miss P. and Deacon dance to front.) Cast off. (Deacon 
leads men around up rear, Miss P. leads ladies. Deacon 
and Miss P. form arch at rear, other couples dance under.) 
Places all. {All resume places.) Ladies to center, gents 
circle. {Ladies bunch in C. Gents circle.) All forward 
and back. {Ladies on one side, gentlemen on other, all for- 
ward and back.) Forward and swing. {Repeat this busi- 
ness.) Seat your partners! {All promenade to seats.) 

{Note-. This dance must be quick and short, everybody 
making plenty of noise, laughing, clapping hands, shout- 
ing, etc.) , 
Enter Major, L. U. E. He comes down C. through gate. 



DEACON DUBBS. 71 

Major. There's been an accident down at the round- 
house. 

Rose (at L. C, faintly). The roundhouse? 

Major. Yes, a man has been killed. A tramp. 

Rose (grasping his arm.) It was — it was — 

Major. It was Rawdon Crawley. He tried to jump on 
the moving train and was crushed beneath the wheels. 

Rose. He is dead? 

Major. His last words were for you, begging forgive- 
ness. 

Rose. And I forgive him. May God have mercy on 
his soul. 

Deacon. Is there anything we can do, Major? 

Major. No, it is too late. He is beyond human aid. 
It is all over. 

Amos (taking Rose's hands). The shadows of your life 
are past, Rose. The future holds nothing but sunshine and 
happiness. 

Deacon. And we'll have a double wedding, Amos, my 
boy, and for a honeymoon we'll all go down to Sorghum 
Center, State o' West Virginny. 

Slow Curtain. 



Savageland 

By WALTER BEN HARE. 

Price, 50 Cents 

Musical comedy in 2 acts; 5 males, 5 females and chorus. 
Time, 2y 2 hours. Scenes: 2 exteriors. Characters: Jake Heinz, 
the fifty-ninth variety. Sherlocko Combs, a defective detective. 
Buckskin Buddy, from Savageland. Gilroy Clay, in love. Big Chief 
Heap Much Scalpem. Marigold Lee, the Quaker maid. Daffodil 
Dotty, poetess of passion. Birdie Magoogin, the Irish Cinderella. 
Ysobel, in vaudeville. Wee-nah, the marble lady. Contains nine 
catchy songs: "Summer Girlies," "Fair Quaker Maid," "The Mod- 
est Blossom," "Letter Song," "Ho, for the West," "He Never Came 
Back Again," "The Little Birch Canoe," "The Message of the Red, 
Red Rose" and "Twinkle Doodle Dum." Five of the songs are set 
to original music by Henry Bethuel Vincent. The remainder are 
sung to familiar college airs. The foundation of the plot is laughter, 
carefree, a bit of satire, a touch of sentiment, which combined, 
will make you understand that life's a merry jest in Savageland. 
Detailed directions given with each musical number for the ar- 
rangement of the chorus, marching, stage pictures, etc. 

First produced by The Savage Club at Cornell University. Suit- 
able for any occasion and especially recommended for college and 
high school productions. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — The Summer Girls and the Little Quaker Maid. Sher- 
locko Combs, the wonderful detective, searching for a missing 
heiress. "She's worth a million, has a green shamrock tatooed 
on her right wrist and wears a No. 10 shoe." Buckskin Buddy 
from Savageland looks for the detective. A missing pitcher of 
pearls. Sherlocko on the trail. Jake Heinz, the fifty-ninth variety, 
becomes a Doctor Watson. Clay finds that the course of true 
love never did run smoothly. Miss Daffodil Dotty, the poetess 
of passion, has an inspiration. The Cowboy and the Lady. "Ho, 
for the West!" A living statue. Birdie Magoogin's story. The 
new cook shows her temper. Jake Heinz, on the trail, proves 
himself a hero. Jake finds the missing heiress and wins her for 
his bride. "Then hit the trail for Savageland, three thousand 
miles away!" 

Act II. — In the Savage Mountains. Jake and Birdie on their 
honeymoon. The automatic carbuncle of the automobile explodes. 
"Ye should have used soothing syrup instead of gasoline." The 
Duchess Heinz entertains with a green tea. The Scotch Laird of 
Kilkuse. "Hoot, mon, hoot!" "He talks like an owl — because he's 
from the owld country." Music lessons in Savageland. "He has 
a cadenza like a flamingo and warbles like an aurora borealis!" 
Marigold realizes that the old love is the best love. The Yaki 
Indians and their Chief, Heap Much Scalpem. A pipe of peace. 
The Chief throws dust and declares war. The missing Goddess of 
Love. Sherlocko exposed. The storm in the mountains. Lightning 
strikes an old tree, it falls apart and discloses the goddess, 
Wee-nah. "The wonderful Sherlocko never fails." 

"A capacity audience at the Lyceum Theater last night was 
given two hours of unalloyed fun with the Savages in 'Savageland' 
and many were the regrets when Wee-nah was discovered and 
there was nothing left to do but to return to Ithaca and the work- 
aday world." — Ithaca Evening News. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given 



Winning Widow, 2 acts, l l / 2 hrs. 

(25c) 2 4 

Women Who Did, 1 hr. . . (25c) 17 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COMEDIETAS, Etc. 

All on a Summer's Day, 40 min. 4 6 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 
Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 

Divided Attentions, 35 min 1 4 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 

Fun in Photo Gallery, 30 min.. 6 10 
Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min... 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Jenkins' Brilliant Idea, 35m. 8 

Mrs. Stuh>bins' Book Agent, 30 m. 3 2 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr. . . . 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 

Second Childhood, 15 min.... 2 2 

Shadows, 35 min 2 2 

Sing a Song of Seniors, 30 min. 7 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. 4 
Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min. . 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle DicVs Mistake, 20 min. . 3 2 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 



Wide Enough for Two, 
Wrong Baby, 25 min., 
Yankee Peddler, 1 hr. 



45 min. 5 2 ■ 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MON- 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.10 

Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 

Colored Honeymoon, 25 min... 2 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 

Coming Champion, 20 min../. 2 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m.14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 

Darktown Fire Brigade, 25 min. 10 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min.... 2 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min . . 2 

Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 

Good Mornin' Judge, 35 min. . 9 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 

Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 

Memphis Mose, 25 min 5 

Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 

Oh, Doctor! 30 min 6 2 

One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 

Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10m. 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min..... 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 

Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min. 1 

Special Sale, 15 min. 2 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min.. 2 1 

Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.. 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 

Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 

Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 

Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min.... 2 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 

What Happened to Hannah, 15m. 1 1 



A great number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed In 

Denlson's Catalogue 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 1 54 W. Randolph St. , Chicago 




POPULAR ENTERTAINM 

Price, IIEustrated Paper Covers, 25 cents each 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

Ill 

6 015 907 638 6 




IN this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
cleai print and 
each book has 
an attrac t i v e 
individual cov- 
er design. 
A Partial List 

DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

Very clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Country School Dialogues. 

Brand new, original 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country schools. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Over 50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 

For older ones. 
Little People's Plays. 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. 

Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Original successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch. Negro, Scotch, etc. 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 
Humorous Monologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folks. 

Clever, humorous, original. 



Monologues Grave and Gay. 

Dramatic and humorous. 
Scrap- Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, 
poetry. IS Nos., per No. 25c 

DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays' With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
Good Things for Sunday Schools. 

Dialogues, exercises, recitations. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pictured Readings and Tableaux. 

Entirely original features. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jok^s, gags. 

Large Illustrated Catalogue Free 



T.S.DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers,154 W.Randolph St., Chicago 




